Sorry if I've hurt anyone

Sensitivity, what's the meaning of a sensitive person?
Girl apparently like guys who are sensitive, I thought
I was someone sensitive but lately I did something
without really thinking of it much and made an important
person to me angry. So, am I not sensitive? I think I do
feel what others feel when I put myself in their shoes
but sometimes, the way you think is different from how
the other person thinks. This part complicates the control
over the things you say.

The way we perceive things are different, things that are
silly to one person can be really serious to the other.
The person who is saying these things sure do know that
it's something sensitive to the other person but, in their
own personality it's not something very serious and they
tend to drift when telling a joke or putting up a scenario.
This accidentally triggers the feeling of the other and
makes the whole situation go gloom.

My question is, how do we control this? I have always been
someone who grabs on very good opportunity I see to make
a joke. I enjoy when I see other people happy around me and
there is no happier person then a person who is laughing
full heartedly. Jokes have a habit of being bad if the timing
isn't right too. Usually jokes must appear as if it was a
sudden revelation to have the maximum effect. In order to
do that, we have to say it out fast. This though is one of
my biggest problems in this scenario. Once I say it out, only
then I realize if I had said something wrong and by that time
I’ve already made someone sad or angry.

I do usually know what not to make jokes off but some topics
are generally quite trivial, some may find it amusing and
others may not. Like the topic of homosexuality, for people
who are very straight, the thought of two people of the same
sex having a love affair might just be funny if rightly put.
But, to the homosexual people it's not funny, in fact it's
really bad to do that in front of them so we don't say such
things around them. Then there are people who sympathize
with homosexuality, and they to get angry about it. But why
when people can make jokes of races, can't people make jokes
of sexual orientation? When a Indian person is made a joke
of, they can either take it was good fun or they can take it
as an insult. The same goes to anyone i think.

Honestly I do joke about gay people and I also joke about
Indian people and I also joke about fat people and skinny
people. But none of this mean I’m judging them, I am still
friends with gay people, I’m half Indian, I also have fat
friends who are close and I’m probably the skinniest person
you might have met. Jokes are stupid, jokes are insults and
jokes are loved. How many jokes do you know what doesn’t
put someone else down or something else down or at least
puts the joker himself down?

Now this is the irony, girls like funny guys and sensitive
guys. Whoa, how does that get along? It only does if things
are not taken seriously when it's a joke. I think all I’m
doing here is defending my actions and I know what I’m saying
is not entirely right also. Some people have had bad experiences
with things other have not and can’t possibly take these things
lightly. I’m sorry for that, I really am and I didn’t mean it
at all

We have to choose our jokes when we say it depending on our
surroundings. I do choose them, but sometimes things slip out
without us realizing. I hate this line "nobody is perfect", it
gives an easy excuse of everything wrong you do but I can't
find any other way to plead my case. People should not be
judgemental to others depending on the jokes they make. I think
that's a very big mistake. Although sometimes this jokers
really are freaking creep.s

This is kind of a controversial post for me because it does in
a way make me look bad. But, this is me and the once who want
to judge me, go ahead. Bash me into the ground in your head as
hard as you want. I just want to say, behind the jokes i make
I’m really not that bad. Don't judge me so easily ^_^

peace out

My views in Cohabitation

Q: Do you think living with your significant other before marriage
is a good idea?

I decided to make this post after reading my gf's view on it. My
veiws aren't totally opposing hers but there are little differences.
The times have changed a lot. Cohabitation has become a huge
trend among youngsters these days especially in western countries.
It's true that cohabitation screwed up a lot of good relationships
but now we have to ask "Why?". Would it have been different if
they got marriedstraight instead?

Before I get into answering that question, lets dive into the depths
of living togather. Have you ever had a close cousin or relative
living with you? Someone you really like as family. I've had that
experience, infact I was the one who went to live with my cousin
for easier travelling. Prior to living with them you only know the
tip of the iceberg, just 20% of the big picture I'd say. My cousin
and I were pretty close, we had same interests and similar habits
so we thought it would be great since neither of us have brothers.

At first it was great, truly fun i'd say but as time passed we had
slight clashes of interests. Say things like, downloading too much
when the other wanted to play online games or staying up later
and keeping the light on cause the other needed to do something
or who cleans the room. We sorted that out though, i'm sure there
are more things that we do find uneasy when we are sharing. It's
simple, this is because human beings have a natural instinct of
thinking of themselves more then others.

I think the same goes to cohabitation, without the label of "family".
You can't divorce your cousin can you? The most you can do is
whack the shitout of each other and don't talk for a few years. Haha
don't worry I never did that to my cousin. My cousin and I just
made sure we took care of each others back and shared the likes
and dislikes, work things out, compromise. That's how it should
be during cohabitation also, infact that how it should be in a married
life or when you share your life with anyone, including your parent,
siblings, kids, cousins or your wife.

The reason why cohabitation failure rate so high is due to the lack
of effort and commitment. Like my gf said in her view "it's all or
nothing", you either give it all and try to make it work or jsut give
up because you can't take your bf farting all the time lol. Just try
stuffing a wine bottle cork into him or something hahaha. Anyway,
when you go into cohabitation, don't think you have a choice of
letting go. Cohabitation shouldn't happen as a tester, it should
happen as something to prove your commitment with. Not just
commitment to the relationship, but the commitment to life togather.
There is a limit to anything though, i'm not going to take it if my gf
lazes around the house whole day boozing while I put effort on
cleaning and washing and paying the bills. Play your role and hope
your partner does the same, although some habits may still linger
on, try to make a compromise, communication is important, he
might change because he loves you that much. If he can't may be,
you try to see if you can accept this little bad for all the good he
provides. Think if you would leave if you were married to him.
If you don't, I don't think you gave him a proper chance. This
also goes tot he guy, don't think you're no in it jsut because I keep
saying "him"

All in all cohabitation isn't where you test your partner, it's where
you test your own effort and commitment and see if it fits with
the effort and commitment your partner has. Cohabitation though
wasn't part of my plans in life, infact after seeing the stats I decided
it's jsut not good at all. But I do see good in it now and also the
plans i've put togather now works best, if I were to live with my gf.
If you believe enough in your partners, you don't have to have a
"tester period", that's only when you're matured enough to know
if he's what you truly want. That is why more marriages without
cohabitation works and also that added "commitment"that comes
with the wedding.

Finally my view on it, I think it's a good idea and an opportunity
to prove your true worth to your partner and not to test your
partner. If you go in with that mentality and keep going even
after you get married, soon the statistics of cohabitation with
change for the better.

Live is beautiful only for those who see the beauty, keep your
heads high and your spirits higher and soon you'll be able to fly.
Peace out ^_^

Thaipusam in Batu Caves, Malaysia

The day when I truely pray is back again. I'm not
a religious guy, but on Thaipusam day the faith
on the external power just amplifies in me. I think
the reason this happens is because everything I vow
for on this day actually happens. I don't know if
it's coincedence or really the power of the hidden
entity.

Before I dive further into my stories, I'll tell
you the legend behind this mind boggling festival
that's celebrated in Batu Caves, Malaysia grander
then anywhere else in the world. This legend is
based on Lord Skanda who is one of the many forms
of Lord Murugan.

As the story goes, long ago there was a battle
between two factions of powerful beings who were
the Devas and the Asuras. As their war grew in time
the Asuras were overwhelming the Devas in the battle
field. With no where to go, the Deva turn to prayer
and asked the Lord Shiva (Known to be the most
powerful entity) for help. The Devas requested form
Lord Shiva a powerful and heroic leader who can pave
the way for thier victory against the Asuras.

The Devas surrendered themselves completely and prayed
to Lord Shiva. Lord Shiva was impressed and granted
thier wish, from his own power of Shakti he created
a mighty worrior in the form of Lord Murugan/Skanda.
Lord Murugan took over the leadership of Devas and
defeted Asura forces. Thaipusam is the festival that
celebrates the birthday of Lord Murugan, the youngest
son of the great Lord Shiva and his other half, Parvati.
This day was also the day Parvati gave Lord Murugan his
most powerful weapon "The Vel"(A powerful lance/ spear)
so that Murugan can vanquish a powerful evil demon named
Soorapadman. Murugan can be classified as the Tamil god
of war.

My experiences with Thaipusam day is nothing short of
extrodinaty. Despite the crazy tsunami of men in Batu
Caves, I never miss going to watch the "kavadi" and I
never give up on vowing for something I really want. I
am not the kinda guy who pays for everything I need. In
fact I think praying for things you always is not good.
I believe we should only turn to prayer when the task
at hand is very difficult. So, the vows I make during
thaipusam are really important in my life, something
that I have to have or something that has to happen for
me and I'm already trying my level best to do it or I
have no control over it. That might sound complicated
but you'll know more about the vows when I tell you
what i've wish for in the past.

Before we go into that i'd like to tell you all how we
celebrate Thaipusam in Batu Caves. Here goes. The day
before thaipusam, there will be a procession from Sri
Mahamariamman Tample in Kulala Lumpur heading towards
Batu Caves. This is a walk tens of thousands hindu
devotees in malaysia take part in. The distance covered
is 15 kilometers, which is not very far but we usually
do it barefoot and the walk usually starts early in the
morning in the range of 12am - 6am. At the end of the
walk we climb a flight of 272 steps into a marvelous cave
where the statue of lord murugan sits.

After the procession arrives in Batu Caves the real
celebration starts. People start flooding the holy place
from all over the world to pray or to watch the "Kavadi's"
The Kavadi is a physical burden through which the devotees
implore for help from the God Murugan. Generally people
take a vow to offer a kavadi to the Lord for purpose of
tiding over or averting a great calamity. Carrying a
Kavadi is not a simple thing to do, through preparations
must be made before one can take such a holy journey.

Devotees prepare for the celebration by cleansing themselves
through prayer and fasting. Kavadi-bearers have to perform
elaborate ceremonies at the time of assuming the kavadi and
at the time of offering it to Lord Murugan. The kavadi-bearer
observes celibacy and take only pure, Satvik food, once a
day, while continuously thinking of God. These Preparation
are performed to allow the spirit of god overwhelm you and
in turn slightly ease the burden you're about to perform.

On the day of the festival, devotees will shave their heads
undertake a pilgrimage along a set route while engaging in
various acts of devotion, notably carrying various types of
kavadi (burdens). At its simplest this may entail carrying
a pot of milk, but mortification of the flesh by piercing
the skin, tongue or cheeks with vel skewers is also common.
As for me, I've only carried a pot of milk and shaved my
head. Although it isn't much compared to what others do, I
truely believe it has helped me. For everytime the vow I
make, comes true.

When I was 15 I vowed for a good result in my goverment exam
and I did achieve it. At 17 I made another vow for another
exam and I also did well. The most important vow I've made
in my life thus far was the third one. It was a time of great
peril, the love of my life was diagnosed with leukemia. I had
no other options but to seek for help from a higher power and
guess what? My gf recovered and is healty now. Every year
with or without making a vow, I walk with the procession and
I go to the temple to pray. The years I make a vow is slightly
different, I either carry a pot of milk and shave my head
bald or jsut shave my head bald.

Thaipusam is a sight to behold, like nothing anyone can
expereience anywhere else. I have to agree even going to watch
is a burden as you get sandwiched, stamped on your foot and
suffer constant lack of fresh air to breath in. But, I really
think if you can take it, you'll have to go experience it
someday. It's simply amazing :)

That's it for this entry, hope you guys will try to check it
out one day. Peace out

The tragedy and the miracle worker (Part 3)

The next morning I woke up and I dind't realize
that had a sore leg. I don't have a bed frame in
my room, my matress is on the floor. This means
it's a lot more effort waking up in the morning.
On that day I placed my right leg down and tried
pulling myself up, it hurt like hell >.< I groaned
and fell back on to my bed... I had to lay in bed
till I could collect my strength pull myself up
with my left leg.

I got off bed hopped on one leg and want to wash
up. So freaking troublesome jumping everywhere on
one foot. As I was going downstairs, mom said the
neighbours offered to take me to this chinese
medicine man(Shensei). I was like..."huh? the doc
asked me not to stress my right leg till the 10th"
and my mom said, "Nevermind, Sharon(my neighbour)
says this guy is really good...lets see what he
can do". I thought to myself...if he can get things
better, I can talk to my gf again >.< and i said
ok.

After breakfast, mom went out and called the
neighbours and they said they'll take me to the
shensei right now. So I got ready and headed
out, climbed onto his car and went to this
shensei's place. The place was like a chinese
village with big taoist temples a quite a few
medicine man practice center. Everytime I saw one
I went...ahh is it this one? and Eddie(neighbour)
says "nah not this one, the one we're going to
is the sifu(master)" haha. Then Sharon says "This
guys treatments are painful you know?", unnessasarily
making me scared T.T

Finally we got to the place, it was practically a
house. There were old women cleaning vegetable in
front of the house, little kids jumping and playing
with thier toys and dogs roaming around the front
yard. There was this tiny board infront of the house
with chinese characters and a cell phone number.
Eddie took out his cell phone and called the number.
After the call Eddie says, The shensei is on the way.
In my mind, i thought the shensei is gonna be a old
guy with greay facial hair. But that was not to be
true.

About 2 minutes later, a guy came riding on his
motorcycle and Eddie say "There, that's the guy".
What I say was a young man whow as around his 30s
with his hair slickly combed back with some hair gel.
I was surprised, "Wow that's the shensei?" and Eddie
replies "Ya ya that's him". As the shensei walks by
the show us to the door and we follow behind him.
He asked the kids to move away and asked me to sit
on this rattan sofa.

After a while he came back out carrying a small box.
Sat on the floor and asked me what was wrong. I told
him the doctor told me i have a ligerment tear. He
said "ok" and took off the huge bandage on my leg.
he had no mercy what so ever!!! He was treating me
as if nothing was wrong >.< it hurt like a bitch =.="
Then he said something to sharon in cantonese, and
sharon said "He says something on your ankle is not
in place". The next thing I know he's pressing the
place that hurt the most and twisting my leg left and
right...even thinking of it make me feel the pain T.T
Then he says, stand up now and put your leg down.
I did it and it was much less of a pain, I was wondering
if it was because my leg is better now or just because
he just caused my troumendous pain and this pain was
nothing compared to what he did...haha.

Nevertheless it felt better and I told him
"Ya, sekarang kurang sakit" (Yeah it hurts lass now)
Then he takes this traslucent yellow paper, put some
dung coloured herb on it and placed it on my ankle.
Don't worry though, It didn't smell like dung,
it smelled fine like herbs haha. He bandaged my leg
without the support thingy I had before and asked me
to try walking again. Now I could walk ok o.O, I was
like "whoah!, talk about a miracle" O.o After that
he takes that same kinda herb he put on my leg, rolls
it into tiny circles and asked me to take it twice a
day for two days and i'll be fine.

He charged us Rm30 and sent us back home, I thanked
him and left. Can you imagine? I paid nearly Rm2000
in the hospital that said I'd need 12 days to walk and
this guy charged me RM30 and got me wlkaing immediately!!
What the heck do those doctors learn?!! >.< ask them
all to go learn chinese medicine...lol. Anyway, since
then my walking got a lot better although I can't kick
yet. The miracle man saved me!! Yatta!!

So, guys and girls...next time you get an injury...
go see the shensei!! not the doctor!!....
Honestly i don't know if that's good advice LOL but
this guy surely was the hero of the day haha.
That's it for "The tragedy and the miracle worker"
trilogy. Hope it gave you some insight...c ya guy
=Peace out=

The tragedy and the miracle worker (Part 2)

Despite having the injury, I didn't feel too much pain when
I walked. I took sometime to rest at the futsal court lobby
area with a ice pack on my foot and decided to take a 30mins
drive home. The pain was evident when I was driving but I
guess my hunger was taking over my pain at that time. As I
was reaching home, I took a short detour to the chinese
restorant nearby to make a take away order for fried rice.

I sat down there alone listening to my ipod waiting for my
food and the girl in the restorant brought some chinese tea
on the house. She sat on the table and asked me what
happened to my leg and why I was limping a little and I
told her what happened. Soon, the food was ready, I paid
and left. From there it was less then a 5 mins drive back
home.

I got out of the car and struggled to carry all the stuff I had
in the car with me into the house. Laptop bag on my back,
futsal shoes and sock on one hand, my drity clothing bag on
the other hand, my wallet and cell phone some how squeesed
in since i had no pockets on my pants and added to it the
fried rice i just bought. I had to carry all this and still close
the car door and open the gate to get into my house with a
hurting leg lol. I still managed to get till the front door and
my mom let me in.

As soon as I got it i jsut left everything near the stairs and
took my fried rice into the kitchen and layed it on a silver
plate, grabed a bottle of cold iced water, walked into the
living room, carshed on my sofa and started stuffing myself
while watching TV. The pain on my foot didn't even phase
me at that moment. After eating two peoples worth of fried
rice, I cleaned my plate and came abck to the sofa to rest and
continue the show on the TV. Only then I realized my sister
and an eye patch on her right eye and that she went for a
surgery to remove a swelling below her right eye. A minor
surgery. I continued watching TV after a couple of questions.

When the show was over I was going to head to the bath to
clean up. The pain on my ankle acted up >.<, I coulnd't put
too much weight on my foot. So I limped badly to my room
and straight got into the shower. I took my bath and changed
with some difficulty and crashed into my bed to get some rest.
Took out my notebook and played Xenogear on the bed >.<
After awhile i got tired of it, turned off the notebook and stood
up. The pain was excruciating , I knew somehting must be
done about it. I limped back down stairs mostly jumping on
one leg and asked my mom to put some deep heat on it and
wrap my leg up. Damn....the deepheat wraped on my leg was
even more painful then the pain itself hahaha.

With that I went back into my room and I slept, a really
uncomfortable sleep >.< In the morning, i coulnd't stand up!!
Any weight on my right foot would trigger into a frensy of
super pain!! So I just layed back on bed, my dad came into the
room and asked..."What happened to your leg?" and I replied
"Futsal injury". Then the shouting and cursing started and it
ended with a "You're not going to go for futsal anymore?!!"
I was thinking "Yeah that's right, with this injury i'm definately
not going for futsal for at least 3/4 months" >.< After some
yanking and scolding, he walked way and i continued laying
on my bed sleepily. Then he came back to the room and asked
"What time are you coming to the office?!!" and i replied
"I can't even walk now" >.< He got pissed and left for work.

After a few hours i finally manage to collect some strength to
get off the bed and hop down to the living room down stairs
on one leg. About 30 mins into it, I get a call from my mom
"Be ready at 12, we're going to the hospital". So at 11 I started
getting ready and as planned, mom came over at 12 and we
took a drive to the hospital. When we got there I hopped to a
chair and sat down till waiting for my mom to park her car. When
she got back I passed my ID and Insurance card and she rent to
register me and the counter. Soon came a bangladeshi man pushing
a wheelchair, I climb on it and the guy pushed me straight to
the Sports Injury specialist room.

I went in and the docter asked me what happened and i explained.
The he started putting pressure into some parts of my ankle to
see where it hurts and what not. Then he says, it looks like a
ligerment tear and it's definately not a fracture (which i already
knew) but I'll have to get an xray just to be sure. He told me
he'll have to admit me into the hospital to keep me under check.
He put a support thingy on my leg, bandaged it up sent be back to
the admin people to ward me. I had to wait for almost 3 hour to
get into the room allocated, talk about slow >.< As soon as I got
into the room I asked my mom to send a message to my girlfriend
on MSN, I didn't want her to worry why I was missing. =.=" So there
I was in this lonely room.

I was to rest in bed until the doctor says i'm free to go.I lasted
in the hospital about a day and the half. Food sucked big time,
luckily it was a single room with Astro on the TV and I also had
my laptop, without internet tho. I spent most of the time playing
Xenogear, watching football and movies on TV. The doctor came into
the room the next day and sent me to the xray room. After the xray
I was rolled back into the depressing room for more rounds of
xenogear, then the doctor came in and told me I'm ok and it will
just take time to heal and there is no need for surgery. I was
thinking, "what?! you were thinking about surgery!!, oh man thank
god" He also told me I have medical leave till the 10th of February
and that's when I'll be allow to put pressure on my foot.

The next day I got discharged from the hospital and was given cruches
to walk. With that I came back home desparately wanting to go online
to explain things to my gf on what was going on. That's not going to
happen because there is no internet at home yet, Telecoms SUCK!!!
I wasn't allowed to go to the office either with these cruches since,
I'll need to walk up 3 floors to get into the office. The whole day
passed by on Xenogear again and eventually I got tired and slept the
night through. to be continued....

The tragedy and the miracle worker (Part 1)

The day started well, I had to renew my driving license
which was already expired for 3 months and I didn't realize.
Good thing no policeman stopped me during that period.
Since I didn't have valid license I followed mom to the
office. She had a few things to do before she could take
me to renew my license. So, I sat there and had another
good time chatting with my gf.

As soon as she was ready we went to the post office to
renew my license. It all went smooth i had an option of
renewing it for a term of 5 year which cost RM30 a year.
Since i didn't have any intention of being in Malaysia
two years from then. I renewed the license only for 2
years, paid RM60 and they printed a new license immediately.
I have to say it was the fastest transaction with the
government I’ve had in my life.

When I got back to the office after that, I continued
chatting with my girl friend for a bit before my dad
sent me on a chore. As I was driving to the place my dad
directed me to go, I called up my cousin to ask him if
there was futsal on that day as we planned earlier and I
confirmed with him that I’ll be going.

After I got my stuff done I went back online and continued
chatting with my gf. This is a norm for us, we chat for
hours everyday lol. Since it’s a distance relationship the
constant communication is really essential. As usual the
chat carried till mid afternoon for me and early morning
for her. Man I suck keeping her up like that so often. T.T
I can’t help it because there is no other time we’re free
to talk.

After convincing her to go get so rest I headed back home
and got ready for futsal. The day was pretty normal for me
but I had no idea what was in store for me later that day.
After everything was set I drove down to the futsal court,
and at 5 we started playing. The teams looked pretty
balanced at first especially with Nickholas on my side,
Nick has always been a good midfield holder and with me
running around all over the court I thought it would be
good enough.

The opponents though later I realized, had all runners.
A group of people who work tirelessly, and the only one
doing that in my team was me. Nickholas hasn’t got used
to the Malaysian weather yet since coming back from UK
and obviously has had too much ciggies back in UK. He
got tired fast and I had to push extra hard to keep things
close in score. I realized i’ve found my shooting power again
after a long absence without it. I was happy with my
performance but i couldn’t say the same with my team.

I ended up running up to attack and also running back
down doing the covering and blocking. Then after 45 mins
into the game came my turning point. The ball dropped free
right in between Chandra and me. I can see Chandra running
towards the ball winding up a huge strike on it, at the back
of my head I was thinking “The way he’s shaped he’s going to
balloon this shot” but nevertheless I didn’t want to take the
chance and decided to put my feet across the ball to block it.
Hoping he would realize there is no chance of him scoring this
and try a different way but I forgot, Chandra doesn’t really
think much when he’s playing football >.<

The full took a full winded shot on the ball together with my
Leg and in that moment I knew this was going to hurt.
Rightly so, the pain stung thru my nerves and fell holding my
ankle. I got up pretty fast as usual, because I always think
pain is just part of football and if you want to be good at it
you must not fear pain. I knew I couldn’t continue running
for at least a little while so I opted to play goal keeper till
I could move comfortably again. It never happened, after
a few minutes I knew the injury was serious but I just
didn’t know how serious just yet. To be continued....