You'll Always Be Mine

The Poem of My Heart

2011-06-27T19:38:00.004+08:00

Fore word:

The love we have ,is a love unknown.
Why don't people get ,what we have grown

The Poem of My Heart

Thousand miles far
my heart flies everyday
Every beat on the way it prays
please let this be one way

People look up
and looking at it they say
Look there's heart
that flies the same way everyday

They laugh at it
and call it a fool
But if they felt the heart
they would feel so uncool

Must be a reason
why the heart flies there
The truth is
the heart can only breath that air

It holds it's breath
and flies so hard
So it can reach before
crashing dead in someone's yard

In the far away land
the leader is jealous
He says the air here
is only for my fellas

Leader gets his men
to suck all the air there
Just so that
the heart won't have any spare

The air in the land
is a very kind soul
It loves the heart
and tries to play it's role

It runs away
from the clutch of the men
As it knows the heart
would need it now and than again

After some time
the air gets tired
After so long
it's no more inspired

It forgets the heart
the heart dies
All the effort it put it's whole life
ends up being criminalized.

Kanaghavel, June, 2011

Gift from nature

2010-09-15T17:10:00.002+08:00

Ever since I was a little baby there was one thing I always had, a pet. Everything from dogs, cats, birds, fishes, hamsters, rabbits till chameleons. There was even a time where I didn’t have a TV but never without an animal had we loved. This entry is going to be dedicated to the friends from nature that has accompanied me through the walk of life. I’m going to list some of the names I remember

Dogs: Toby,Jimmy(no1),Jessy,Rambo,Wishbone,Lucky,Jimmy(no2),Pinky,Chelsea,Alex
Cat: Issac
Bird: Lucas(Kingfisher),Unnamed Small Green Hawk,Unnamed Pidgin,Unnamed Mynah
Hamster: Ambi,Abirami
Rabbit: Bunny
Fishes: 3 Arowana’s, 5 Japanese Kois, Loads of Tiny fishes
Chameleons: 3 Unnamed

The birds we had were mostly injured birds or abandoned babies that we nursed before setting free again. The chameleons were wild chameleons that made our little garden as their home. The fishes were never named since they didn’t really respond to humans except when you feed them. The Hamsters were bought for my sister. The rabbit was brought back by our pet dogs when we went for a walk (The dogs didn’t harm the rabbit) lol.

Among all my pets my favourite were still the common ones, the cat and dogs. Cats are really fun to watch and they clean up well themselves and are responsive to human interactions but just not as much as dogs. According to my girlfriend though, cats can be trained to be responsive too but the cat i had would only come to me when he wants to x.x. Dogs on the other hand, they crave your attention. They come to you even when you don’t call them even a slight gesture is enough for them to run towards you. They are the most lovable animals I’ve ever had, they love you unconditionally. Even if you hit them for things they did, they would still come running to you the next day. Dogs love unconditionally, you give your heart to them and they will return it with added interest. They don’t expect anything extra from you, they don’t care what race you are, what religion you are, how stupid you are, how rich you are, you can feed them scrubs from the side of the road and they will be loyal to you.

Can you find another human being who would be like that? Someone who don’t care about how you look, what you do, who you pray to, how much money you have, how you behave and still love you. Now you wonder, why a dog and not another human is a man’s best friend?

Taking care of dogs and keeping them well fed and treated is not an easy task. You need to bath them, take them for walks, feed them, immunize then from illness, make sure they don’t get tics, play with them and clean up after them. This is why people who are lonely are advised to get a dog, to keep them occupied and not let their minds wonder and in return get love and company from the animal. They are the best things to teach kids responsibility and the harsh facts of live. Kids learn responsibility and eventually they learn life lead to death eventually and get them accustomed to losing loved ones in life.

I’ve already got 4 dogs a rabbit and a pond full of tiny fishes now, although frankly speaking it’s my mom who’s doing most of the work. But once I move in to my own place I’d first have a cat, where there is not much work involved (not as much as dogs). Once I’m married a dog would be essential, where me and my future wife can feel a little of the responsibility that awaits us when we have kids.

That's all for this time guys. To my favourite puppy of all time, Wishbone thanks for all your love I hope that speedy little legs of yours have taken you to heaven and youre enjoying it up there. May your soul rest in peace. Peace out

My First Professional Job Interview

2010-08-09T09:39:00.004+08:00

Hi guys, I'm back :)

I'm almost done with my studies, FINALLY. Why did it take so long? That’s another reflection for another day i guess. I was never a dumb student or someone who didn’t understand what I was studying. I knew exactly what I was studying and I was just as skilled as any other peers of mine (except for the really outstanding ones). At the end of it all, although I wasn't all that bad, I had this disturbing feeling in me that I wasn’t good enough. I mean why else would i have taken so long to finish my degree?

Right now, I have only got 1 subject left which is no attendance requirement. I'll just have to finish coding my final year project and present it. Since I had so much time in hand, I went ahead and looked for a job. In all honesty, I didn't expect it to come anytime soon. I had kind of an inferiority complex, if you were in my shoes; I bet you'd feel it too. After 8 years of University and college life, I just couldn’t help feeling sorry for myself.

Never the less, I started looking for jobs in newspapers, online jobsites and some IT companies websites that I knew. My preference was to get myself a programming position in the Microsoft.Net platform, since it was a language I was more familiar with than any other. Although most of my student years were focused on Java Programming, my final year project was in C#.Net and for the first time, I knew everything I needed to implement a complete functioning software. I got in touch with high ranked, proven and experienced professionals who had more confidence in me than I myself did for their recommendations. After I collected a list of companies to contact, I started calling them to ask if their position were available. The first two I called had already filled their available positions. It was a little disappointing, but I knew that didn’t mean they rejected me. After that, I called the third, a Hospital and Clinic Management software company. I asked them the same thing I asked the previous companies and they said the position was available and asked me if I was free to come for an interview that very day.

I knew this was the chance for me to prove what I can really do. I agreed to go for the interview that very day. Right after I put down the phone, I sent my CV to the HR department of the company. Straight after that, I went into their website and mugged as much as I can about the company. I was so nervous to attend the job interview but I steadied my nerve with the help of my lovely girlfriend (man what would I do without her?) and went for the interview. I got there like 30 minutes too early so I had to wait, these was one of the most extended period of time I’ve ever experienced. Every minute felt an hour. Finally I got the call to go into the interview room.

My first impression of the office was, “Wow, this place is so nice, it would be awesome to work here!!” I was led to this room which had 4 large window panes with the view if the high way outside, It was not a bad sight. Then came in this small framed man and introduced himself as Mr Lim. With a firm handshake I introduced myself and took a seat. This man had an aura of confidence about him that made me even more nervous but naturally I didn’t show it. He asked me a few things and I answered him, along with the reasons why I was so old and just finished my degree. He was satisfied with my explanation and told me he was going to give me a programming test. Inside me I was like (“oh shit please ask me something I know”) haha.

Thankfully I knew how to solve the problem he presented to me and I was so happy inside myself before he threw another bombshell on me. He asked me another question and this time I was quite lost. I knew the concept he was testing me in but I didn’t understand what he was asking exactly and I got so nervous I couldn’t properly think, but naturally I didn’t show it either lol. After that awkward incident he told me “I like you but you have some weaknesses, go study on this problem and I’ll call you for a second interview soon”. With a relieved but disturbed inside I said thank you and found my way out of the office and back to my car. Although the interview wasn’t perfect, I was sure I left a good impression.

After a week I was called in for the second interview and yes I did study the problem I missed on my first interview. When I studied about it, I found out I knew exactly what he asked about but i was too nervous and couldn’t recall the solution =.=”. The second interview only took like 5 minutes and right after that he told me “Welcome to the team, you can join us on Monday”. I felt so elated, I didn’t think I’d get a job this fast but I knew this was not going to be the job I’d be sticking to for a long time. My plan was to move to Toronto at the end of the year and this was a good experience and it kind of helped me boost my self confidence.

So readers, even if you’re scared or nervous or not confident, brace yourself and walk through it. My teacher in high school told me this once, “The mighty Elephant in the zoo is only tied down by a tiny Iron Chain which he can break anytime he wants, but he doesn’t know that”. If the elephant knew this he would be free anytime he wanted, but he was never confident enough to try it. So guys, don’t be that elephant that’s trapped in a zoo, be the mighty Elephant king in the rainforest every creature is scared of :) Peace Out

You don't realize what you have until you lose it

2010-05-14T00:22:00.009+08:00

What is it with us? Why can't we just appreciate what we have? Many of us say, "no dude I'm not like that" (including me) but you know what? I'm just a hypocrite. We're not always in control of what we're doing, as soon as I relax and not keep my focus, I sway in so many directions that only god know how many direction there are. This is where the appreciation of what I have goes out the window and hit the highway.

Than when I open my eyes, I realize I'm alone on this long long highway and I've lost the things that are important to me. I have to be thankful for one thing, I've never gone so far from those things and I always remember the way back. Then I tell my self, "You're a fool Kanaghavel" you just wasted 20 miles on your mileage and life is not like a car, you can't refuel it. Only god know how many miles I am given.

People get comfortable with what they have and don't really think of the ones they love sometimes. When we first meet our partners, everything they say is a revelation and everything is interesting, you can go a whole day just talking to them. I wonder if this is because what are say is new to you or it's just that your focus is fixed on them.

After years of being with them, we get comfortable and relax, trust me that's the last thing I wanted to do (taking things easy). We lose focus, it's not like we don't love them, we still love their company and we still love talking to them. Just we don't think they are going to go anywhere and say things like "baby I'm sleepy, lets talk about this later ok ?". Right after we say that, something interesting happens. Lets say you hear a couple of people fighting outside your apartment balcony, this wakes you up and suddenly you're not going to sleep =.=". Honestly guys, when did some random people fight become more important that what your gf's got to say? @.@ WHEN?!

Girlfriend gets says, "yes, honey I am already boring to you" and you say "huh?, what happened baby?". She says "I thought you were sleepy, What are you doing at the balcony?". Then the world crashes on your head, you don't know what the hell just happened. You think and think and you have no explanation, you come up with excuses but no matter what you come up with one thing still shines clear. The random fight was more interesting to you, but this wasn't like that before. After that, your gf tries to keep things simple, minimal talk, minimal contact. A couple of days later, you realize there is something missing in your life.

You miss your girlfriend, you miss her little talks and miss her touch and you miss her just being around you. And you say to yourself "You don't realize what you have until you lose it". This proves one thing though, I can't live without my girlfriend and my life is empty without her. Yet again I haven't swayed too far and I still know my way back. Next time, when I'm sleepy, I'm GOING TO BED!! Nothing is more important than my baby. Except when i can't help it. I love her with everything I have.

So, guys it's been awhile since i posted and finally I'm adding pics on my blog. Enjoy your read and take care of those you love. Never lose them unless things are not in your hand.

My Girlfriend

2009-11-22T20:03:00.007+08:00

My girlfriend, the one girl who makes my heart race to hyper speed. Just a girl I met so randomly yet she influenced me more than any other person in my life. Honestly I'm not a guy who can attract girls easily(like i need to tell this to all of you >.<), but somehow or rather I manage to capture a girl who's so amazingly beautiful :)

I always wished to have an oriental girl as my gf, I don't know why this is, may be because I've got some genes from my mom's ancestry. The one problem I had though was always language barriers. Chinese girls (most common orientals in Malaysia), most of them at least prefers guys who can speak some dilect of Chinese. Korean and Japanese girls ost of the time can only speak Korean or Japanese. What a luck I got when I met a girl who was Japanese and Korean mix who lives in Canada. Oriental girl you speaks good english, and I met her while I was still in Malaysia. Lady luck was definitely smiling at me that day.

She has the same interest I have with games, anime and manga, planes, tv shows, movies, music(altho we can differ in taste), food and many more things. I didn't know all this when I first met her, all I knew than was that she was amazing to talk to. Hours fly by like minutes when I'm with her and our convos hardly ever run dry. We always have something to talk about or debate about haha altho sometimes we do have to think little longer to come up with things to talk about. Soon after that I knew how kind and caring she is to the feelings of others. She never tries to put people in their places by speaking rudely or harshly, unlike me >.< Everything about her sparkled and shined so bright. How was I suppose to refrain from falling for her?

She has her down times too just like any other person but when that happens, it's my job to pull her back up. I will do anything to pull her back up too :) I miss her sparking shine even if it's gone for 1 minute. She thanks me for making her bounce back, but it's me who needs to thank her for letting that ray of light shine through her again. The light that turned my dark and hopeless existence to breath life again. There only one way to say how feel for her, "I Love You!!".

Every person in this planet willhave some sad and bad parts in their life and so does my gf. 1 year into our relationship, I find out she has leukemia. Man those were the darkest days of my life, what I wouldn't do safe her from it. I prayed hard and long for god to not take the one precious part of my life. I really don't know what I'd do if lost her, she's so important to me like how my own life is to me. She soon recovered from her relapse though, I couldn't have been more relieved. I wanted her to always be happy in her life, but there are times when this numb skull of mine never thinks thing through and I hurt her. I never mean to do those things, but it happened quite a few times.

I never did anything very bad though, most of the times I just happen to give her an avenue for misunderstandings. After sometime I realized this kinda things are bound to happen, we're not the same person to know what exactly each other are thinking and we're bound to have petty arguments. What happens after those arguements are what I'm most happy about our relationship. No matter what, we do end up understanding and accepting each others mistakes and put an end to it an a peaceful manner.

My girlfriend, I think of her as a special gift from god to me and to earth. She has so many talents and she's good at almost anything she does. Some guys look for girls who can take care of their homes and cook for them. Some guys look for girl who can sing and dance well and entertain them. Some guys looks for a girl who can reduce their burdens. Some guys want a girl who can satisfy them sexually. Some guys want girls who can help them challenge their minds. Well guess what, my gf is all that and a whole LOT more :D

If there was one thing more valueable to me than my own life, it's my gf. I'd do anything for her, although sometimes she has to try persuading me but in the end I know she can make me do anything. If there is something she can't make me do, than no one can. My life is useless without you hun. I'll walk through hell for you, that line is from a song but it's true,I would. You're my everything and I love you so soo sooooooo much! I'm sure we'll have a good like together so many many years to come.

Sorry guys if i got too mushy there :P This is the last installment of the 10 topics have initially listed as the top 10 parts in my life. Beyond any doubt this is also the most important part of my life. It has been 8 months since I put this list up. Pardon me, if i took too long. Have fun with the new look of my blog. Take care, live your life with love...Peace out

Anime and Manga

2009-11-16T20:25:00.002+08:00

Anime and Manga are now one of my biggest past time. Some may even
call me and anime otaku but I seriously doubt I’m that fanatic.
It all started when I started reading Hong Kong comics which were
translated to Malay during my school days. Then one of my friend
started moving into another interesting comic which was still new
in the Malaysian market called Dragon Ball or in Malay “Mutiara
Naga”. At this time I had no idea what Manga and Anime was, in fact
I didn’t know dragon ball has an animated series. We used to save
money and buy the comic every month. For a long time the only
Japanese Manga I knew was dragon ball and another “less interesting”
Doremon. I preferred watching Doremon rather than reading it. As
far as I’m concerned I don’t consider non oriental made comics or
cartoons as Manga or Anime :P.

When the Dragon Ball series came to an end I had forgotten totally
about anime and Manga until I started University. I had a housemate
who was also my primary and high school mate called Cheong Sei How.
He introduced me to this fascinating new anime called “Naruto” some
6 years ago, we used to download the anime every week to watch the
show. Then I felt it was not enough as once a week was too slow and
started exploring other anime series such as shaman king, hunter x
hunter, Fullmetal Alchemist, Samurai X, One Piece and a few more.
Then I found out one of my course mates in university was called the
the “Anime King” he had downloaded practically every half decent
anime we’re ever heard off. So I used to borrow many burned VCDs
from him and watch it in my apartment. He became my personal Anime
supplier.

After I was done with most of my favorite anime I had to settle
with downloading new episode every week, slowly I got really bored
of downloading.I stopped downloading and started buying the DVD
compilations that were sold in CD shops every 3 months. As time
passed I never sourced for new Series and just went on watching
Naruto. I introduced Naruto to my cousin and he also got into and
he got heavily into anime and he started reading the latest episode
in Manga while watching anime and I followed suit. He introduced
more Anime/Manga to me such as Bleach, D-Grayman and such.

Then I used to talk to my gf about anime and she introduced things
anime like Monsters, Gants and a pretty interesting one called
Futari Ecchi. Futari Ecchi is definitely the anime that has given
me the most knowledge for use in the real life. If you want to know
what I mean, you google it up :D. It’sgood stuff, you won’t regret
it LOL.

Here the list of the TOP 10 anime I like
1. Naruto
2. Dragon Ball
3. Samurai X (Kenshin)
4. D Grayman
5. Bleach
6. Futari Ecchi
7. Full Metal Alchemist
8. Gantz
9. Inuyasha
10. Shaman King

Hope you guys would enjoy these anime when you get around to
watching it. Have fun guys, peace out. Time to go celebrate my
birthday :)

Sense of Achievement

2009-08-25T13:03:00.001+08:00

What makes all the pain and torture of life worth it?
To me, the biggest joy comes when I’m able to complete
a task that's challenging. This is probably one of the
main reasons why I like programming so much. It's not
easy to create a program that works well, and when I
finally get it, it feels soooo good. Makes me feel like a
creator of something that actually works lol.

The sense of achievement can come from the simplest
things and provide you with the greatest confidence.
Just a simple skill with a football would give a person
a well needed confidence to a play a football. A guy
can get one of the greatest confidence when he can
make the girl he adores fall in love with him. When I
was younger making something from my building
block was something that made me so happy, it would
be a decoration in my house for days haha.

The thing about sense of achievement is, the more
difficult the task at hand the greater we feel when we
complete it. I've not had much share of this feeling
because there are not many difficult things that i'm
very passionate about. Most of my sense joy comes from
gaming and football. The thing about gaming is, anyone
can do it if they spent enough time on it, so it's just a
time for success thingy since all you do is just sit in one
place clicking your mouse. Not difficult at all. Football
gives me a lot of joy though. I love it when i'm the
main player in a team that everyone looks up to. Even
better if we win the match or tournament.

What gives me the most joy is having my gf. She's so
amazing sometimes i feel like having a dream, kinda
hard to believe that i'm her bf haha. It's a big challenge
for us though to keep it going but neither of us are gonna
give up. So, guys and gal don't shy away from a challenge.
If it's difficult, remember that if your get it done, it
might be a highlight of your life. Cheers till next time.
Peace out ^_^

Games I like

2009-07-22T15:26:00.002+08:00

When I was 5 my parents bought me this building block toy
called “Lacy”, I doubt many of you will know what this thing
is. The most unique and popular block in this set is a “H”,
those who have played it should remember it now. That was
like my favourite toy my entire childhood. I used to build all
kinds of things, even making things that are not in the building
guide book. It really helped my analytical skills because of the
different angels I had to think to get what I wanted done. That
was practically the first thinking game I got into.

Then when I was 7, two of my cousins who were already
working by then got me two fascinating games. The first one
was Monopoly and the other was a Chess set. Monopoly was
such a fun game to play with the family, every time my
cousins came around I’d whip out the monopoly set and we’ll
sit in a corner laughing, shouting and having so much fun hehe.
But the game that really captivated me was Chess. The first
day I got it, mom thought me all the rules and we had a test
game, guess what? I beat her in the first game! Lol. From then
onwards I was really fixated in chess. I joined the school chess
club and soon started representing the school on tournaments.
A couple of my uncles were supposedly good in chess; every
time I see them I’ll bug them to have a game with me. Even
if I lost every game I every played with them.

My skill in Chess rapidly improved in the next two years, I
became one of the top players in school and I only couldn’t
beat one uncle by the time I was 10. This improvement kept
increasing till I even represented my University in a prestigious
International tournament, and I even mange to play a game
with a Chinese Grandmaster and get a “Draw” out of it. Now,
no one in my extended family can beat me in chess, but I’m
definitely not the best either. I still get pawned in tournaments
with good players.

When I was about 12, my friends and I started playing another
board game called “Risk”. This game was like nothing I’ve
ever seen before. It was like a computer game on a board :P
Strategies, alliances, manipulation, armies, territories....wow
the whole package!! This game took over the monopoly
sessions i used to have with cousin. Now days every chance
we get, we’ll play Risk instead. Around the same time, I got
into computer games also. Played games like Command and
Conquer, Xcom Apocalypse, Heroes of Might and Magic,
Diablo, War Hammer, War Craft, Counter Strike and a bunch
more. The games I like the most are the RTS games, more
thinking to do then blind hack and slash. I think it really
improves analytical skills and thinking out of the box and not
to mention the other knowledge we get like history and
cultures.

Even my favourite sport has the element of thinking and making
split second decisions to be a good player. I think most sports
have this element though, like tennis, American football, hockey
and a lot more. In my case it’s football (soccer), of course you
can get through this game with pure brute force, but when you
incorporate some thinking into your game it makes you stand
out. Knowing when to pass, when to move forward, when to
move back and when to shoot according to your teams formation
is really important to ensure a good strategy to win a game.
Games like these makes it less boring and a lot more fun. If you
think about it, our whole life is a thinking game, if you don’t
think through life you won’t get very far. So think before you do
things, think before you say things, think before you do anything.
That’s it for this post, hope you all enjoyed it and see ya’ll in the
next one. Peace out ^_^

Supernatural (End)

2009-07-20T15:02:00.003+08:00

Angels, Demons and Aliens :P
Talk about the mother of mysteries. Well at the end of the last
post I gave a sneak preview of this entry and said i’ll talk about
angels and demons, as how I view it. In my opinion demons are
no more than other living creatures that live among us. If this is
true then why can’t we see them you may ask. Well cause it’s
how they are? Haha I know it’s like what the heck am I saying.
Seriously don’t take my word for any of this. I’m just speculating
I think demons are just other creatures in another frequency
living on the same planet or are aliens that come from a different
planet whom are in a different wavelength from our presence.
Why are they here and why do they torment our souls? Like I’ve
said before, our soul are from an inexhaustible energy source.
Demons may have found a way to tap this energy source to feed
their technology or their lives, which is why they hold on to the
souls that they find wondering around. These souls are made to
carry out their biddings to capture more human souls who are
still in a host body.

Now then, who are the angels? Well, like i said in the first post
the god(the mighty energy) has a task to balance everything.
So, naturally the forces of the demon have the force of angels
to be aware of. The Angels might be from the same race as the
demons who dislike the way the demons take advantage of
other lives (Think Autobot and Deceptacons LOL). It all comes
down now to who are these guys? They may be in this planet
way before humans were here, just invisible to our eyes and
only showing themselves when they want themselves to be
seen or they might be travelling aliens finding new source of
energy. Another theory is that they are from a parallel
dimension who found a way to travel between life plains.

Dimensions, there is a theory that there is more than just one
universe around, what i’m inclined to believe that might be
true. This is because i believe everything will have to come in
pair since everything needs a balance in power. If there is our
dimension then there must be another to balance the
equilibrium. So there might be more than 2 also, there might be
four or eight or a lot more. Well this just means we have to not
only look to space but also total realities. I know I’m taking my
theories too far lol. So i think i better stop now hahaha. So guys
that’s it for my supernatural post the next in line is “games
that need thinking”.

The Supernatural (Part 1)

2009-06-28T22:53:00.004+08:00

The meaning of supernatural is a power that seems to defy
or go beyond thenatural forces as we know it. This topic has
captivated me for a long long time. I have to say i have
experienced super natural things, I can't explain these things.
Well if i have enough space in this entry i will share a some
of my experiences. Before I start, supernatural is not only
ghosts and demons and stuff. Here a list of things I think goes
under supernatural, things human science can't answer:

- God
- Life (Soul)
- Ghosts
- Angels / Demons
- Aliens
- Phycics and Predictions
- Dimensions

These are the things I can think of now, but I’m sure there are
more. May be all these things are linked together in a science
not yet known to man or just the science we have now is not
even right. This would explain why these things are not
considered natural.

First off, God. One of the most controversial topic in the
history of mankind. his topic is only controversial because
mankind added something called religion into it. Regardless
of which religion there is no doubt that there is a force which
we deem the creator. So, who is this god? Who is our creator?
It’s strange then I think about it, if we’re created by god, who
created god? Well I have a theory about this though. I think
god is no other then an energy source, god has no life(It’s
immortal/ Inexhaustible energy), has no thought but has a way
to balance out equilibrium of the universe. If something goes
to the extreme in one end of the universe, this energy source
will correct it by sending the same about of extreme force to
balance it. We’re all created in the image of the energy like
what the bible says because in every one of us there is an
inexhaustible power source, which is life/soul. Before you go
bashing in my ideas, I’m not asking you to believe what I say
or accept my theories. This is just my speculation.

So now the discussion leads us to Life/Soul. I think the soul
that is somehow transmitted to us when we’re new embryo’s,
a tiny little piece of energy from the creator force. This energy
might be from this world (Earth), or it may be from space, or
from previous souls that had to leave their body due to death.
For some reason we all feel there is more then just our body
in us, don’t we? It feels like you’re more than the physical
presence you have. If this is not true, why do we have burial
ceremonies for millennia’s? This thing we feel, I think is the
soul or our life force that will not extinguish at the end of our
physical presence. So what happens to us when we die, you
may ask. Well some of us may go back to rejoin the great force,
some of us may linger on to find another host, some of us may
still have unfinished business (ghosts) and some of us may be
enslaved by a bigger force of energy that does not allow us to
pass.

Now comes the topic of ghosts. Life as human is a competitive
one, so much so we all have to take care of ourselves, our family
and our loved ones. Some of us adopt great desires, may be an
ambition or great love towards another soul. These feelings make
our soul become unstable until we attain our goals. What happens
when we lose our host body due to death before we can attain our
goals? Our souls remain unstable and in an unstable condition we
are not able to move on. Most of the time the feeling we carry isn’t
enough to destabilize oursoul, but some people can really be
obsessive towards some things and their souls are left behind.
Some of you may say, this is all a big piece of bullshit, there is no
such things as ghosts. Well believe what you want to, I’ve had my
share of experiences to believe otherwise. People who know me
may have heard of my experiences, but I don't feeling like going
into details about them at the moment, There are also souls who
are trapped not because their unstable, but because a stronger force
is holding them back. These are the things I call demons, and the
next part i'll cover on this faul energies and their rivals, the angels.

This post kinda got out of hand and became way too lon for one
post. So, I guess i'll keep the rest for another installment of "The
Supernatural". I hope you had a nice read, not aksing you to belive
them, these are jsut my thoughts and theories.
Peace out till next time guys.

Information Technology

2009-05-26T18:33:00.002+08:00

First off, I'm sorry it took such a long time to post this installment
of the blog. I was busy with other things but now i'm back ^^

Although i'm studying IT and seem so into these things, this was
not what i had planned for my life in the younger days. I wanted
to be an aeronautical engineer, but life had other plans for me :)
Aeronautical engineering fell off the pages because of circumstances.
May be i'll get into that part some other time, now I'll concentrate
on IT.

The fascination of computers started for me with computer games.
I used to be one of those young boys who'd exchange games CDs
with friends and go crazy on it. Go to school the next day and brag
about what we have accomplished.

In the early 1990s computers had a few problems but the one
that effected young gamers the most is the lack of hard disk space.
We can only play one game(good strategy game) at a time because
the computer would only have space for one installation at a time.
So, what happens when you want to play another game? We'll
have to uninstall the older game and install the new one. This
process screws with the windows and it causes a lot of problems.

Due to this I had to learn how to fix problems with the computers.
Mostly, what I'd do is format the computer and reinstall the windows.
Later we found out this was also not good for the hard disk, so we
found out other ways to fix these computers. As time passed, we
were pretty decent with troubleshooting computer problems.

So, when my aeronautical engineering plans failed, I picked to do
something I was familiar with, which I thought was the safest path
to take. What I didn't know was, IT isn't repairing computers >.<
The cause I took was more about creating the software in the pc
rather then learning how a computer works physically.

Nevertheless, this proposition still attracted me. When i went to
my first programming class, it was so alien to me. As the course
went by, I loved programming. It's not something easy to do,
especially the more advance parts. Let me put into perspective
how hard it is to do programming, for some of you this may not
be hard at all. Lets say someone gives you a law book and asks
you to know every angle of the law book. Then lets say every
one of the law in there has a unique shape and limitations. Now,
using all the resources there, they ask you to build a building
for a specific reason using the least amount of resources. That's
the only comparison i can think of right now, i hope you guys
understand that, lol.

IT tho is not all about programming, there is database,
networking, data mining, security, games creation and quite a
few more. It's not something easy to do but i hope i'd be able
to sustain my interest in this field and make a career out of it.

Thanks for reading guys :) till next time peace out

Unconditional Love

2009-03-25T01:59:00.002+08:00

Love....such an illusive word. What is love? Is it just
a creation of man or is it the way we're meant to be?
I don't know what love is, but seeing many people's life
and how they have gone about it, I think I have a general
idea on how to be happy in my love life. There is no such
thing as constant happiness, there is no smooth sailing
forever, there is pain and there is gain.

In my case I had a bad first experience with love, things
didn't turnout perfect no manner how much I wanted it to.
This was because me and my ex were not in the same wavelength,
for you to be with someone in a long term relationship,
you must know what they want and they must know what you
want and both must be willing or able to give them the
things they desire. Love is just happiness you get from
mutual convenience at the beginning, without this feeling
there is no attraction and there is no infatuation.

Some people find having someone pretty is convenient for
them because they like to think they are able to get someone
like that, for others they one someone who can help them
with their deepest problems, some want someone their family
see fit and so many more. There is only one thing in common
to all of these, magnitude of the benefit you get out of
the other person, different people place more importance
in different things.

Now, how does infatuation/attraction turn into true love?
True love is basically you love the person so much, you
appreciate all the thing they have done for you and you
want to reciprocate by doing the best things for them. I
actually never believed anyone can be so appreciative of
a person till I met my gf. Although she might not realize
it, she changed the tide of my life, she made be lose my
worst habits and give me some good habits to follow. You
may say anyone could have done this, well not for me. I
am stubborn, i want to do what i want to do, I want to
have fun without worrying what people think of me.

My gf made me realize how self destructive that is. She
was the only one able to put some sense into my head. I
honestly have to say, at first what I saw in her was how
pretty she was and how nice it was to talk to her. The
rest only came later, i wanted to make her very happy for
being with me as I thought she deserves someone with
better looks then me. I told myself I have to make myself
worth her time. Later I realized everyone has their bad
sides and they can really get to you, but by this time I
willing to do anything for her for what she has done for
me.

I think this is what they call unconditional love, just
like the love I have for my mom. She made me who I am and
without her and my dad I won't be here. So, logically as
long as I want to live they have my love, actually even
if I hated my life now, I'd still love them because mom
especially gave everything she had for me. There is no
one who can tell me, it's not worth for my to help my mom
when she's in trouble or when she's in difficulties. No
matter what she does, the love for her will be there.

It's the same love I have for my gf, as what I am now is
what I am after I met her and I’m so happy i chose this
path. So, no matter what my gf does I'll love her, even
if this leads to her leaving me. I won't know what to do
if I had to pick sides between my mom and my gf. There is
also another similarity i see with the two of them, both
of them have no way of replacing me. I am just as important
to them as they are important to me, and that makes me
happy. There are 3 people who i deem fit for my love, my
mom, my gf and myself. These are the three unconditional
loves in my life.

I'd do anything for any of my unconditional loves except
for stop loving them or killing myself. Well that's it for
this time, just have a few final words.

I love you MOM! thank you for everything you've done for me

I love you Kanami, my honey ^_^. For being there for me
despite all my faults.

Alright, see ya'll till next time, peace out ^_^

Football in My Life

2009-03-21T04:02:00.000+08:00

Football, the game of the planet no sport has been played more
widely and more frequently then this game on earth. It's also
the one game I'd live and die for if i was given a chance, just
too bad I wasn't born to Ian Rush or Jurgen Klinsmann. It all
started with my dad buying me a ball, there was an open field
right opposite my house where all the kids used to come and play
at 5:30 in the evening and I'll be usually there by 5 with my
ball kicking around waiting for friends.

If one of them see me on the field, they will go round up like
4 or 5 kids from around the area and come join me on the field.
When the 6 of us play more kids will see us and join us, there
were about a total of 10-14 kids in my area who'd be waiting
for the 5:30 kick-off and would be cursing the rain if it showed
it's face. They they hated having to go tuition during that
time on some days. This is where my passion for football bloom,
even my dad, back then about 45yo you'd join us and play.

He'd usually be the goal keeper, but never misses the chance
to take free kicks and penalties. If he was taking it, no kid
would dare be the goal keeper LOL. His kick was like a missle
launcher, seeing my dad play soon older kids started joining
us. Wow it was such a challenge playing with them, but I loved
it, I learned so much from them. As for being a fan of club
sides, it was the golden age of the malaysian league, unlike
the mess they call a league now. I was a supporter of the red
giants, Selangor F.C and I always love to watch Selangor play
Singapore. Yes singapore back then was int he malaysian league.

Players like K.Senbagamaran and Azman Adnan were real idols to
me. As time passed, Singapore left the Malaysian league to set
up their own league, which is a lot better then the malaysian
league now. The interest I had in the Malaysian league slowly
dwindled. Then I moved my attention to the world cup and Euro.
in Euro 1990, I was a big fan of West Germany, with my fav
player of all time so far(Gerrard and Torres will over throw
him soon) leading the German attack, Jurgen Klinsman. Rightly
so, West Germany won the world cup that year beating Argentina
in the final.

This world cup though open my eyes to sooo many talented players
with the likes of Diego Maradona, Roberto Baggio, Paulo Maldini,
Davor Suker, Paul Gascoigne and Marco Van Basten. I watch them
play every single game and tried to copy their moves on my front
yard. Guess what, it really helped ever since then I just kept
getting better and better in football and before I knew it, I
made the school team. The teacher(coach) told me I'm skinny and
I need to put on some weight, I still got a few game experience
under my belt though.

Between that time and the next world cup, I had already become
an important player in my school team and had played football
every evening in the field if it wans't raining. The 1994 world
cup was also an amazing experience and I was still supporting
Germany since Klinsman was still there. I've not seen another
player in the world cup who scores as many goals as him. He
scored in nearly every game germany played, such and awesome
player. By this time though, I was already a Liverpool fan and
I was pretty sad that England did not qualify, I really wanted
to see Robbie Fowler and Steve McManaman playing for England
in the world cup.

This world cup was a lot more of a leanring experience then the
last one because now I knew a lot more things about football
and had a betetr control of the ball then before. This is when
I started perfecting my dribbling skills, I could take on 3 to
4 players at a time when I was playing for my school then. I was
not the hero of the school team, although I provided a lot to
the school main strikers who were twins. They were awesome too,
I had so much confidence in they goal poaching ability that I
wouldn't shoot if I had the chance to pass to them even if I
had a clear shot. I was afraid i'd miss and I was sure they'd
never miss.

I still kept on playing every evening and become better and
better but second year in secondary school I decided to stop
playing for school because I didn't like the coach who kept
complaining that I was too thin although by then I was already
a good player. I was probably the 4/5th best player in my year
in school in the attacking/midfield position. Since then I only
played in inter class tournerments and school sports day. I
had also become a hardcore Liverpool fan and started practicing
complicated skills at home in the evenings.

When I got to university, football was also something I did every
evening. I had a football star status in Uni, it was the peak
of my form, till I injured my ligerment and never fully recovered
back to the same form again. Still not too bad though, before
I could aim a cone on the goal post from the middle of the field
without missing it, that accuracy wasn't there anymore. I still
played for my uni and a club called Bear Hill United in the MMU
league. Those were fun times, now days I'm more into indoor
football(futsal). I am the lynchpin of my futsal team, the mvp.
haha I wish I was born to Jurgen Klinsmann, with the passion I
had and his training, I would have be playing by the side of
Torres and Gerrard hunting for the Champions League and Premier
League titles.

Liverpool is at the a point where it's argueably in the best
form of any team in the world. Trashing the two biggest clubs
in the world Real Madrid and Manchester United. Now, they have
been drawn against Chealsea in the champions league, how I wish
i could terrorize them with torres and gerrard. I don't have the
skill I need for that, so I'm giving all my heart to you guys
to bring back the European champions league to Anfield for the
6th time!!

That's if for this entry, c ya'll. Peace out ^_^

Fantasies with sword and magic

2009-03-18T01:51:00.006+08:00

Every since I was a little boy, I was never really a fan of books.
I was always the boy meddling with his building block making
everything from Aeroplanes to Windmills. When I went to my first
year in school, I saw a friend reading a kids story book with
pictures and story(King Author). I didn't read though, I just
flipped through the pages to see the pictures and make out the
story but the more i see the pictures the more I wanted to read it
so one day I borrowed the King Author and the Roundtable Knights
book from the library to read.

I read the first few pages it was really exiting, but something
just deflected my attention from it. This time it were the lone wolf
game books, I saw my friends playing it and writing down their
stats and battles, I was so intrigued. I wanted one of those books
so bad. One day when we passed by the book shop I persuaded my mom
to get me the book, mom thought it was some kinda story book or
something and would be good. I went back home and immediately
tried to make sense of the whole thing reading the instructions
and everything, i didn't get it lol.

The next day I went to school and asked my friend how to play and
he thought me. Since then my whole attention was on the game book
and i'll play the whole day long. It was the most fun I had at
that time. The game book made my interest in Medieval battle with
sword and magic flourish. After i was done with my book I exchanged
it with my friend's book and so on, ended up finishing quite a few books.
Then at one point there were no more game books, but by this
time I understood all these medeival stories and things. I found
my old unreturned King Author book LOL(yeah never returned it >.<)

I took my time to read that book and it was the best book I've
read, the honour, the skills, the magic, the knights and the weapons.
I loved it, so many of the things I created were named Excalibur
hahaha. Everything from a sword drawing to a hand craved ice cream
stick. From then on I never read any stories that didn't involve
magic and adventure and swords. Some of the other books I read were
a local folk lore called "Hang Tuah", Treasure Islands, Sinbad and a few
more(younger days).

Not only did I like the novels, when I got my computer, even games
were only those with sword and magic (except a few like X-Com).
I always wanted to be a knight or an adventurer saving the damsel
in distress hahaha. After years and years of Swords and Magic, I
found the best book ever written, The Lord of the Rings!! This was
what my whole life of reading swords and magic was meant for LOL.
The best book ever, I became a fanatic and soon after the movies
were released. Most fantastic movies ever made, I wished I was
one of the Riders of Rohan, the mounted warriors from the West
Fold.

Then after that it was Harry Potter, although it was not as good
as Lord of The Rings Harry Potter was full of adventure and magic.
I loved these books too and I read all of them. How I wished life
could be all about training with swords and magic, protecting your
kingdom/family/friends from harm, saving a beautiful maiden and
make her fall in love with you and live happily ever after haha.
If only life was as interesting, this is one of the reasons why
MMORPG attracted me, it was an alternate life where you can really
become a Legend, a warrior people respect and enemies fear.

As much as the interest in Swords and Magic improved me and messed
me up. Thanks to my interest in it, I found my maiden, the most
beautiful girl I've ever known and now she is my gf and I'm definitely
going to make her my wife and hopefully live happily ever after
(haha is this even possible in this world?) Doesn't matter, I'd
be her knight when she's in need and i'll weave magic and make her
happy when she's sad. I'll hunt for a better living for us to enjoy
life to the fullest. Honour and Courage has been me all my life and
i'll never change it.

That's it for my episode 2. More to come soon, peace out guys ^_^

PS: Riders of Rohan Music...I love the part from 2:25 - 3:20 have
a listen ^^

Amazing Love Songs and the rest of my favourites

2009-03-13T01:07:00.003+08:00

It's time for the first of my 10 episode blog entry folks.
I was actually suppose to do this post like 24hours ago,
but while I was halfway into typing out the entry the
electricity went off and I didn't safe my narration. I got
so pissed after the power went of and lost all my mood to
do this entry then haha. I keep my promises though, so
here my entry on

"Amazing Love Songs and the rest of my favourites"

A couple of months back I was listing all my favourite
songs to my gf. My gf realized something and told me that
it seem like I like a lot of love songs. On that day I
realized how true she was. I don't care what people say
but love songs are awesome, from the oldies to the latest
ones.

When I listen to old love songs I just feel like grabing
my gf and having a slow dance with her. The love in my
heart boil and overflows haha. Here are a few of my
favourite old love songs:

LOVE - Nat King Cole
Put Your Head On My Shoulder - Paul Anka
The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra
Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers

Wow, how timeless these songs are...they never fail to
spark the love inside me up. Can't help but to sing along
to it.

Old love songs are not the only once I love though. The
love songs that have been coming out lately are amazing
too and i have no doubt these songs will never leave my
list of favourites for a long long time. Here are some of
those songs:

Boston - Augustana
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Love Bug - Jonas Brothers
Everything - Michael Buble
Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's
1,2,3,4 - Plain White T's
A Walk Through Hell - Say Anything
Always Be My Baby - David Cook

Listening to these songs just makes me want to pick up
a guitar and start writing a song to dedicate to my lovely
girlfriend. I've written a few but I don't think it's close
to any of these songs. Still made my gf really happy though
^_^

There was also a time when love songs rules the air and
trends. This was during the age of the boybands, no one
can deny that it's the love songs they wrote that made them
a force to be reconed with. I loved those boy bands, call
me gay or emo all you want. I just felt the some songs they
wrote were amazing. Here are a few of those:

All I Have To Give - Backstreet Boys
Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely - Backstreet Boys
I'll Never Break Your Heart - Backstreet Boys
As Long As You Love Me - Backstreet Boys
Back Here - BB Mak
Words - Boyzone
Baby Can I Hold You Tonight - Boyzone
No Matter What - Boyzone
This I Promise You - N'Sync
God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You - N'Sync
I Drive Myself Crazy - N'Sync
My Love - Westlife
Flying Without Wings - Westlife
World Of Our Own - Westlife
Swear It All Over Again - Westlife

This was truly one of the golden ages of the music industry.
Then there are also other songs which are not in those lists
I listen before but without doubt touches my heart everytime
I listen to them. Here are some of those:

Wouldn't It Be Nice - Beach Boys
Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman - Bryan Adams
I Do It For You - Bryan Adams
You Took My Heart Away - MLTR
I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane - Jewel
You and Me - Lifehouse
Here Without You - 3 Doors Down
Way Back Into Love - Hugh Grant & Haley Bennett

I guess that's quite a bit of songs I have there. Now it's
time for me to give my due respect to all the other songs
that has definately inspired me and pumped me up. The list
of songs which are some of my all time favourites:

Im No Superman - Scrubs Theme Song
Semi Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
Wonder Wall - Oasis
Through The Glass - Stoned Sour
Follow Me - Uncle Kracker
I'm Just A Kid - Simple Plan
Mungkin Nanti - PETERPAN
Drive - Incubus
All The Small Thing - Blink 182
Hey Jude - Beatles
No Rain - Blind Melon
Viva La Vida - Coldplay
The Sceince of Selling Yourself Short - Less then Jake
Heaven - Los Lonely Boys
Smells Like Team Spirit - Nirvana

Now no one can say I'm just all emo...I like these songs
too haha. Some may still be love songs tho lol..
but hey I can't help it :)

"Live live with love or don't live at all"

Hope you enjoyed this post. Catch you guys with my next post

Peace out ^_^

Top 10 Things in My Life

2009-03-11T01:59:00.004+08:00

This past week has been one of the most clueless
week I've had in a long time. My mind drifting
everywhere and yet I don't have anything physical
to do. I've exhausted or overdone or unable to do
all the things I have interest in.

I've been pretty much messing around with Java
programming the entire week till I'm kinda tired
of it for now. So, I decided I'm going to write
a blog entry. Since I think I'm unable to get my
hands on any of my interests, I made up my mind
to write about them instead.

I sat down and thought about the 10 things that's
been the most in my mind the past week (except 1).
In this entry I'm just going to list them out and
for the next 10 entries to come, I'll elaborate
further on my interests.

The Top 10 things I love in life that I'm going
to write about in the coming weeks are:

1. Amazing Love Songs and the rest of my favourites
2. Fantasies with sword and magic
3. Football
4. Unconditinal Love
5. Information Technology
6. The Supernatural
7. Games that require thinking
8. Sense of achievement
9. Anime
10. My Girlfriend

Now when I read back on all the interests that I've
placed there, I really think I have quite a bit to
write about each of it. I can honestly say these are
the things that make me really happy or really curious.
If I hadn't experienced even one of this things, I'd
be a very very different person from who I am now.

So people, I hope you'll come and read about this
things i'm going to write about in the coming weeks.

Till next time :) Peace Out

Sorry if I've hurt anyone

2009-02-25T23:58:00.001+08:00

Sensitivity, what's the meaning of a sensitive person?
Girl apparently like guys who are sensitive, I thought
I was someone sensitive but lately I did something
without really thinking of it much and made an important
person to me angry. So, am I not sensitive? I think I do
feel what others feel when I put myself in their shoes
but sometimes, the way you think is different from how
the other person thinks. This part complicates the control
over the things you say.

The way we perceive things are different, things that are
silly to one person can be really serious to the other.
The person who is saying these things sure do know that
it's something sensitive to the other person but, in their
own personality it's not something very serious and they
tend to drift when telling a joke or putting up a scenario.
This accidentally triggers the feeling of the other and
makes the whole situation go gloom.

My question is, how do we control this? I have always been
someone who grabs on very good opportunity I see to make
a joke. I enjoy when I see other people happy around me and
there is no happier person then a person who is laughing
full heartedly. Jokes have a habit of being bad if the timing
isn't right too. Usually jokes must appear as if it was a
sudden revelation to have the maximum effect. In order to
do that, we have to say it out fast. This though is one of
my biggest problems in this scenario. Once I say it out, only
then I realize if I had said something wrong and by that time
I’ve already made someone sad or angry.

I do usually know what not to make jokes off but some topics
are generally quite trivial, some may find it amusing and
others may not. Like the topic of homosexuality, for people
who are very straight, the thought of two people of the same
sex having a love affair might just be funny if rightly put.
But, to the homosexual people it's not funny, in fact it's
really bad to do that in front of them so we don't say such
things around them. Then there are people who sympathize
with homosexuality, and they to get angry about it. But why
when people can make jokes of races, can't people make jokes
of sexual orientation? When a Indian person is made a joke
of, they can either take it was good fun or they can take it
as an insult. The same goes to anyone i think.

Honestly I do joke about gay people and I also joke about
Indian people and I also joke about fat people and skinny
people. But none of this mean I’m judging them, I am still
friends with gay people, I’m half Indian, I also have fat
friends who are close and I’m probably the skinniest person
you might have met. Jokes are stupid, jokes are insults and
jokes are loved. How many jokes do you know what doesn’t
put someone else down or something else down or at least
puts the joker himself down?

Now this is the irony, girls like funny guys and sensitive
guys. Whoa, how does that get along? It only does if things
are not taken seriously when it's a joke. I think all I’m
doing here is defending my actions and I know what I’m saying
is not entirely right also. Some people have had bad experiences
with things other have not and can’t possibly take these things
lightly. I’m sorry for that, I really am and I didn’t mean it
at all

We have to choose our jokes when we say it depending on our
surroundings. I do choose them, but sometimes things slip out
without us realizing. I hate this line "nobody is perfect", it
gives an easy excuse of everything wrong you do but I can't
find any other way to plead my case. People should not be
judgemental to others depending on the jokes they make. I think
that's a very big mistake. Although sometimes this jokers
really are freaking creep.s

This is kind of a controversial post for me because it does in
a way make me look bad. But, this is me and the once who want
to judge me, go ahead. Bash me into the ground in your head as
hard as you want. I just want to say, behind the jokes i make
I’m really not that bad. Don't judge me so easily ^_^

peace out

My views in Cohabitation

2009-02-13T13:20:00.003+08:00

Q: Do you think living with your significant other before marriage
is a good idea?

I decided to make this post after reading my gf's view on it. My
veiws aren't totally opposing hers but there are little differences.
The times have changed a lot. Cohabitation has become a huge
trend among youngsters these days especially in western countries.
It's true that cohabitation screwed up a lot of good relationships
but now we have to ask "Why?". Would it have been different if
they got marriedstraight instead?

Before I get into answering that question, lets dive into the depths
of living togather. Have you ever had a close cousin or relative
living with you? Someone you really like as family. I've had that
experience, infact I was the one who went to live with my cousin
for easier travelling. Prior to living with them you only know the
tip of the iceberg, just 20% of the big picture I'd say. My cousin
and I were pretty close, we had same interests and similar habits
so we thought it would be great since neither of us have brothers.

At first it was great, truly fun i'd say but as time passed we had
slight clashes of interests. Say things like, downloading too much
when the other wanted to play online games or staying up later
and keeping the light on cause the other needed to do something
or who cleans the room. We sorted that out though, i'm sure there
are more things that we do find uneasy when we are sharing. It's
simple, this is because human beings have a natural instinct of
thinking of themselves more then others.

I think the same goes to cohabitation, without the label of "family".
You can't divorce your cousin can you? The most you can do is
whack the shitout of each other and don't talk for a few years. Haha
don't worry I never did that to my cousin. My cousin and I just
made sure we took care of each others back and shared the likes
and dislikes, work things out, compromise. That's how it should
be during cohabitation also, infact that how it should be in a married
life or when you share your life with anyone, including your parent,
siblings, kids, cousins or your wife.

The reason why cohabitation failure rate so high is due to the lack
of effort and commitment. Like my gf said in her view "it's all or
nothing", you either give it all and try to make it work or jsut give
up because you can't take your bf farting all the time lol. Just try
stuffing a wine bottle cork into him or something hahaha. Anyway,
when you go into cohabitation, don't think you have a choice of
letting go. Cohabitation shouldn't happen as a tester, it should
happen as something to prove your commitment with. Not just
commitment to the relationship, but the commitment to life togather.
There is a limit to anything though, i'm not going to take it if my gf
lazes around the house whole day boozing while I put effort on
cleaning and washing and paying the bills. Play your role and hope
your partner does the same, although some habits may still linger
on, try to make a compromise, communication is important, he
might change because he loves you that much. If he can't may be,
you try to see if you can accept this little bad for all the good he
provides. Think if you would leave if you were married to him.
If you don't, I don't think you gave him a proper chance. This
also goes tot he guy, don't think you're no in it jsut because I keep
saying "him"

All in all cohabitation isn't where you test your partner, it's where
you test your own effort and commitment and see if it fits with
the effort and commitment your partner has. Cohabitation though
wasn't part of my plans in life, infact after seeing the stats I decided
it's jsut not good at all. But I do see good in it now and also the
plans i've put togather now works best, if I were to live with my gf.
If you believe enough in your partners, you don't have to have a
"tester period", that's only when you're matured enough to know
if he's what you truly want. That is why more marriages without
cohabitation works and also that added "commitment"that comes
with the wedding.

Finally my view on it, I think it's a good idea and an opportunity
to prove your true worth to your partner and not to test your
partner. If you go in with that mentality and keep going even
after you get married, soon the statistics of cohabitation with
change for the better.

Live is beautiful only for those who see the beauty, keep your
heads high and your spirits higher and soon you'll be able to fly.
Peace out ^_^

Thaipusam in Batu Caves, Malaysia

2009-02-08T14:48:00.001+08:00

The day when I truely pray is back again. I'm not
a religious guy, but on Thaipusam day the faith
on the external power just amplifies in me. I think
the reason this happens is because everything I vow
for on this day actually happens. I don't know if
it's coincedence or really the power of the hidden
entity.

Before I dive further into my stories, I'll tell
you the legend behind this mind boggling festival
that's celebrated in Batu Caves, Malaysia grander
then anywhere else in the world. This legend is
based on Lord Skanda who is one of the many forms
of Lord Murugan.

As the story goes, long ago there was a battle
between two factions of powerful beings who were
the Devas and the Asuras. As their war grew in time
the Asuras were overwhelming the Devas in the battle
field. With no where to go, the Deva turn to prayer
and asked the Lord Shiva (Known to be the most
powerful entity) for help. The Devas requested form
Lord Shiva a powerful and heroic leader who can pave
the way for thier victory against the Asuras.

The Devas surrendered themselves completely and prayed
to Lord Shiva. Lord Shiva was impressed and granted
thier wish, from his own power of Shakti he created
a mighty worrior in the form of Lord Murugan/Skanda.
Lord Murugan took over the leadership of Devas and
defeted Asura forces. Thaipusam is the festival that
celebrates the birthday of Lord Murugan, the youngest
son of the great Lord Shiva and his other half, Parvati.
This day was also the day Parvati gave Lord Murugan his
most powerful weapon "The Vel"(A powerful lance/ spear)
so that Murugan can vanquish a powerful evil demon named
Soorapadman. Murugan can be classified as the Tamil god
of war.

My experiences with Thaipusam day is nothing short of
extrodinaty. Despite the crazy tsunami of men in Batu
Caves, I never miss going to watch the "kavadi" and I
never give up on vowing for something I really want. I
am not the kinda guy who pays for everything I need. In
fact I think praying for things you always is not good.
I believe we should only turn to prayer when the task
at hand is very difficult. So, the vows I make during
thaipusam are really important in my life, something
that I have to have or something that has to happen for
me and I'm already trying my level best to do it or I
have no control over it. That might sound complicated
but you'll know more about the vows when I tell you
what i've wish for in the past.

Before we go into that i'd like to tell you all how we
celebrate Thaipusam in Batu Caves. Here goes. The day
before thaipusam, there will be a procession from Sri
Mahamariamman Tample in Kulala Lumpur heading towards
Batu Caves. This is a walk tens of thousands hindu
devotees in malaysia take part in. The distance covered
is 15 kilometers, which is not very far but we usually
do it barefoot and the walk usually starts early in the
morning in the range of 12am - 6am. At the end of the
walk we climb a flight of 272 steps into a marvelous cave
where the statue of lord murugan sits.

After the procession arrives in Batu Caves the real
celebration starts. People start flooding the holy place
from all over the world to pray or to watch the "Kavadi's"
The Kavadi is a physical burden through which the devotees
implore for help from the God Murugan. Generally people
take a vow to offer a kavadi to the Lord for purpose of
tiding over or averting a great calamity. Carrying a
Kavadi is not a simple thing to do, through preparations
must be made before one can take such a holy journey.

Devotees prepare for the celebration by cleansing themselves
through prayer and fasting. Kavadi-bearers have to perform
elaborate ceremonies at the time of assuming the kavadi and
at the time of offering it to Lord Murugan. The kavadi-bearer
observes celibacy and take only pure, Satvik food, once a
day, while continuously thinking of God. These Preparation
are performed to allow the spirit of god overwhelm you and
in turn slightly ease the burden you're about to perform.

On the day of the festival, devotees will shave their heads
undertake a pilgrimage along a set route while engaging in
various acts of devotion, notably carrying various types of
kavadi (burdens). At its simplest this may entail carrying
a pot of milk, but mortification of the flesh by piercing
the skin, tongue or cheeks with vel skewers is also common.
As for me, I've only carried a pot of milk and shaved my
head. Although it isn't much compared to what others do, I
truely believe it has helped me. For everytime the vow I
make, comes true.

When I was 15 I vowed for a good result in my goverment exam
and I did achieve it. At 17 I made another vow for another
exam and I also did well. The most important vow I've made
in my life thus far was the third one. It was a time of great
peril, the love of my life was diagnosed with leukemia. I had
no other options but to seek for help from a higher power and
guess what? My gf recovered and is healty now. Every year
with or without making a vow, I walk with the procession and
I go to the temple to pray. The years I make a vow is slightly
different, I either carry a pot of milk and shave my head
bald or jsut shave my head bald.

Thaipusam is a sight to behold, like nothing anyone can
expereience anywhere else. I have to agree even going to watch
is a burden as you get sandwiched, stamped on your foot and
suffer constant lack of fresh air to breath in. But, I really
think if you can take it, you'll have to go experience it
someday. It's simply amazing :)

That's it for this entry, hope you guys will try to check it
out one day. Peace out

The tragedy and the miracle worker (Part 3)

2009-02-06T12:10:00.003+08:00

The next morning I woke up and I dind't realize
that had a sore leg. I don't have a bed frame in
my room, my matress is on the floor. This means
it's a lot more effort waking up in the morning.
On that day I placed my right leg down and tried
pulling myself up, it hurt like hell >.< I groaned
and fell back on to my bed... I had to lay in bed
till I could collect my strength pull myself up
with my left leg.

I got off bed hopped on one leg and want to wash
up. So freaking troublesome jumping everywhere on
one foot. As I was going downstairs, mom said the
neighbours offered to take me to this chinese
medicine man(Shensei). I was like..."huh? the doc
asked me not to stress my right leg till the 10th"
and my mom said, "Nevermind, Sharon(my neighbour)
says this guy is really good...lets see what he
can do". I thought to myself...if he can get things
better, I can talk to my gf again >.< and i said
ok.

After breakfast, mom went out and called the
neighbours and they said they'll take me to the
shensei right now. So I got ready and headed
out, climbed onto his car and went to this
shensei's place. The place was like a chinese
village with big taoist temples a quite a few
medicine man practice center. Everytime I saw one
I went...ahh is it this one? and Eddie(neighbour)
says "nah not this one, the one we're going to
is the sifu(master)" haha. Then Sharon says "This
guys treatments are painful you know?", unnessasarily
making me scared T.T

Finally we got to the place, it was practically a
house. There were old women cleaning vegetable in
front of the house, little kids jumping and playing
with thier toys and dogs roaming around the front
yard. There was this tiny board infront of the house
with chinese characters and a cell phone number.
Eddie took out his cell phone and called the number.
After the call Eddie says, The shensei is on the way.
In my mind, i thought the shensei is gonna be a old
guy with greay facial hair. But that was not to be
true.

About 2 minutes later, a guy came riding on his
motorcycle and Eddie say "There, that's the guy".
What I say was a young man whow as around his 30s
with his hair slickly combed back with some hair gel.
I was surprised, "Wow that's the shensei?" and Eddie
replies "Ya ya that's him". As the shensei walks by
the show us to the door and we follow behind him.
He asked the kids to move away and asked me to sit
on this rattan sofa.

After a while he came back out carrying a small box.
Sat on the floor and asked me what was wrong. I told
him the doctor told me i have a ligerment tear. He
said "ok" and took off the huge bandage on my leg.
he had no mercy what so ever!!! He was treating me
as if nothing was wrong >.< it hurt like a bitch =.="
Then he said something to sharon in cantonese, and
sharon said "He says something on your ankle is not
in place". The next thing I know he's pressing the
place that hurt the most and twisting my leg left and
right...even thinking of it make me feel the pain T.T
Then he says, stand up now and put your leg down.
I did it and it was much less of a pain, I was wondering
if it was because my leg is better now or just because
he just caused my troumendous pain and this pain was
nothing compared to what he did...haha.

Nevertheless it felt better and I told him
"Ya, sekarang kurang sakit" (Yeah it hurts lass now)
Then he takes this traslucent yellow paper, put some
dung coloured herb on it and placed it on my ankle.
Don't worry though, It didn't smell like dung,
it smelled fine like herbs haha. He bandaged my leg
without the support thingy I had before and asked me
to try walking again. Now I could walk ok o.O, I was
like "whoah!, talk about a miracle" O.o After that
he takes that same kinda herb he put on my leg, rolls
it into tiny circles and asked me to take it twice a
day for two days and i'll be fine.

He charged us Rm30 and sent us back home, I thanked
him and left. Can you imagine? I paid nearly Rm2000
in the hospital that said I'd need 12 days to walk and
this guy charged me RM30 and got me wlkaing immediately!!
What the heck do those doctors learn?!! >.< ask them
all to go learn chinese medicine...lol. Anyway, since
then my walking got a lot better although I can't kick
yet. The miracle man saved me!! Yatta!!

So, guys and girls...next time you get an injury...
go see the shensei!! not the doctor!!....
Honestly i don't know if that's good advice LOL but
this guy surely was the hero of the day haha.
That's it for "The tragedy and the miracle worker"
trilogy. Hope it gave you some insight...c ya guy
=Peace out=

The tragedy and the miracle worker (Part 2)

2009-02-05T08:02:00.005+08:00

Despite having the injury, I didn't feel too much pain when
I walked. I took sometime to rest at the futsal court lobby
area with a ice pack on my foot and decided to take a 30mins
drive home. The pain was evident when I was driving but I
guess my hunger was taking over my pain at that time. As I
was reaching home, I took a short detour to the chinese
restorant nearby to make a take away order for fried rice.

I sat down there alone listening to my ipod waiting for my
food and the girl in the restorant brought some chinese tea
on the house. She sat on the table and asked me what
happened to my leg and why I was limping a little and I
told her what happened. Soon, the food was ready, I paid
and left. From there it was less then a 5 mins drive back
home.

I got out of the car and struggled to carry all the stuff I had
in the car with me into the house. Laptop bag on my back,
futsal shoes and sock on one hand, my drity clothing bag on
the other hand, my wallet and cell phone some how squeesed
in since i had no pockets on my pants and added to it the
fried rice i just bought. I had to carry all this and still close
the car door and open the gate to get into my house with a
hurting leg lol. I still managed to get till the front door and
my mom let me in.

As soon as I got it i jsut left everything near the stairs and
took my fried rice into the kitchen and layed it on a silver
plate, grabed a bottle of cold iced water, walked into the
living room, carshed on my sofa and started stuffing myself
while watching TV. The pain on my foot didn't even phase
me at that moment. After eating two peoples worth of fried
rice, I cleaned my plate and came abck to the sofa to rest and
continue the show on the TV. Only then I realized my sister
and an eye patch on her right eye and that she went for a
surgery to remove a swelling below her right eye. A minor
surgery. I continued watching TV after a couple of questions.

When the show was over I was going to head to the bath to
clean up. The pain on my ankle acted up >.<, I coulnd't put
too much weight on my foot. So I limped badly to my room
and straight got into the shower. I took my bath and changed
with some difficulty and crashed into my bed to get some rest.
Took out my notebook and played Xenogear on the bed >.<
After awhile i got tired of it, turned off the notebook and stood
up. The pain was excruciating , I knew somehting must be
done about it. I limped back down stairs mostly jumping on
one leg and asked my mom to put some deep heat on it and
wrap my leg up. Damn....the deepheat wraped on my leg was
even more painful then the pain itself hahaha.

With that I went back into my room and I slept, a really
uncomfortable sleep >.< In the morning, i coulnd't stand up!!
Any weight on my right foot would trigger into a frensy of
super pain!! So I just layed back on bed, my dad came into the
room and asked..."What happened to your leg?" and I replied
"Futsal injury". Then the shouting and cursing started and it
ended with a "You're not going to go for futsal anymore?!!"
I was thinking "Yeah that's right, with this injury i'm definately
not going for futsal for at least 3/4 months" >.< After some
yanking and scolding, he walked way and i continued laying
on my bed sleepily. Then he came back to the room and asked
"What time are you coming to the office?!!" and i replied
"I can't even walk now" >.< He got pissed and left for work.

After a few hours i finally manage to collect some strength to
get off the bed and hop down to the living room down stairs
on one leg. About 30 mins into it, I get a call from my mom
"Be ready at 12, we're going to the hospital". So at 11 I started
getting ready and as planned, mom came over at 12 and we
took a drive to the hospital. When we got there I hopped to a
chair and sat down till waiting for my mom to park her car. When
she got back I passed my ID and Insurance card and she rent to
register me and the counter. Soon came a bangladeshi man pushing
a wheelchair, I climb on it and the guy pushed me straight to
the Sports Injury specialist room.

I went in and the docter asked me what happened and i explained.
The he started putting pressure into some parts of my ankle to
see where it hurts and what not. Then he says, it looks like a
ligerment tear and it's definately not a fracture (which i already
knew) but I'll have to get an xray just to be sure. He told me
he'll have to admit me into the hospital to keep me under check.
He put a support thingy on my leg, bandaged it up sent be back to
the admin people to ward me. I had to wait for almost 3 hour to
get into the room allocated, talk about slow >.< As soon as I got
into the room I asked my mom to send a message to my girlfriend
on MSN, I didn't want her to worry why I was missing. =.=" So there
I was in this lonely room.

I was to rest in bed until the doctor says i'm free to go.I lasted
in the hospital about a day and the half. Food sucked big time,
luckily it was a single room with Astro on the TV and I also had
my laptop, without internet tho. I spent most of the time playing
Xenogear, watching football and movies on TV. The doctor came into
the room the next day and sent me to the xray room. After the xray
I was rolled back into the depressing room for more rounds of
xenogear, then the doctor came in and told me I'm ok and it will
just take time to heal and there is no need for surgery. I was
thinking, "what?! you were thinking about surgery!!, oh man thank
god" He also told me I have medical leave till the 10th of February
and that's when I'll be allow to put pressure on my foot.

The next day I got discharged from the hospital and was given cruches
to walk. With that I came back home desparately wanting to go online
to explain things to my gf on what was going on. That's not going to
happen because there is no internet at home yet, Telecoms SUCK!!!
I wasn't allowed to go to the office either with these cruches since,
I'll need to walk up 3 floors to get into the office. The whole day
passed by on Xenogear again and eventually I got tired and slept the
night through. to be continued....

The tragedy and the miracle worker (Part 1)

2009-02-04T07:27:00.002+08:00

The day started well, I had to renew my driving license
which was already expired for 3 months and I didn't realize.
Good thing no policeman stopped me during that period.
Since I didn't have valid license I followed mom to the
office. She had a few things to do before she could take
me to renew my license. So, I sat there and had another
good time chatting with my gf.

As soon as she was ready we went to the post office to
renew my license. It all went smooth i had an option of
renewing it for a term of 5 year which cost RM30 a year.
Since i didn't have any intention of being in Malaysia
two years from then. I renewed the license only for 2
years, paid RM60 and they printed a new license immediately.
I have to say it was the fastest transaction with the
government I’ve had in my life.

When I got back to the office after that, I continued
chatting with my girl friend for a bit before my dad
sent me on a chore. As I was driving to the place my dad
directed me to go, I called up my cousin to ask him if
there was futsal on that day as we planned earlier and I
confirmed with him that I’ll be going.

After I got my stuff done I went back online and continued
chatting with my gf. This is a norm for us, we chat for
hours everyday lol. Since it’s a distance relationship the
constant communication is really essential. As usual the
chat carried till mid afternoon for me and early morning
for her. Man I suck keeping her up like that so often. T.T
I can’t help it because there is no other time we’re free
to talk.

After convincing her to go get so rest I headed back home
and got ready for futsal. The day was pretty normal for me
but I had no idea what was in store for me later that day.
After everything was set I drove down to the futsal court,
and at 5 we started playing. The teams looked pretty
balanced at first especially with Nickholas on my side,
Nick has always been a good midfield holder and with me
running around all over the court I thought it would be
good enough.

The opponents though later I realized, had all runners.
A group of people who work tirelessly, and the only one
doing that in my team was me. Nickholas hasn’t got used
to the Malaysian weather yet since coming back from UK
and obviously has had too much ciggies back in UK. He
got tired fast and I had to push extra hard to keep things
close in score. I realized i’ve found my shooting power again
after a long absence without it. I was happy with my
performance but i couldn’t say the same with my team.

I ended up running up to attack and also running back
down doing the covering and blocking. Then after 45 mins
into the game came my turning point. The ball dropped free
right in between Chandra and me. I can see Chandra running
towards the ball winding up a huge strike on it, at the back
of my head I was thinking “The way he’s shaped he’s going to
balloon this shot” but nevertheless I didn’t want to take the
chance and decided to put my feet across the ball to block it.
Hoping he would realize there is no chance of him scoring this
and try a different way but I forgot, Chandra doesn’t really
think much when he’s playing football >.<

The full took a full winded shot on the ball together with my
Leg and in that moment I knew this was going to hurt.
Rightly so, the pain stung thru my nerves and fell holding my
ankle. I got up pretty fast as usual, because I always think
pain is just part of football and if you want to be good at it
you must not fear pain. I knew I couldn’t continue running
for at least a little while so I opted to play goal keeper till
I could move comfortably again. It never happened, after
a few minutes I knew the injury was serious but I just
didn’t know how serious just yet. To be continued....

Chinese New Year

2009-01-21T09:23:00.003+08:00

Chinese New Year,

This coming year will be the year of the Ox,
that seriously is the last thing in my mind when I think of
this period though. Chinese new year for me is about meeting
my cousins and relatives. The part of my family I only see
once or twice in a year (unless something like a wedding happens).

I have a tough time communicating with quite a few of them,
but even with the lack of communication I feel very accepted
when I go back for chinese new year. I don't speak neither
Mandarin nor Hokkien and some of my relatives can't speak
english. When they are in a group talking I try to comprehend
what they say since I do understand a little bit of hokkein and
mandarin but my efforts always end up futile half way through
the convo haha (too many unknown words).

Nevertheless they are such warm people, I do feel the love when
I'm with them which makes me never ever want to miss my
chinese new year reunion dinner ^^. I also get to eat every two
hours...haha yeah it's cool like that!! The sweetest part of the deal
has to definately be the "Ang Pow", who else gives you money in
a small red packets without expecting anything back? :P

It's the time when family is more important then anything else,
and it's the time when we meet new family members. Cousins who
bring thier bf/gf to the chinese new year reunion usually end up
married a few years down the road. It's kind of a platform to
introduce your choice to the family. Hahaha, my aunties are already
asking me where is my girlfriends....grrrr. I'm not ready to get
married yet hahaha. It's also amazing to see how fast the neices
and nephews grow when you see them only onces a year.

I can't wait to go to the family reunion this year. This year it's in my
uncles house all the way in Johor Bharu and my dad says we might
not make the trip there....argh....come on man...it's just once a year.
I'll somehow try to make it there despite my dad's decision though.

Mandarin orenges, dried pork slices, and a massive dinner and metting
loved ones....why would i ever miss that :D

enjoy people ^_^ Happy chinese new year
peace out

As It Unfolds (Part 3)

2009-01-09T22:27:00.006+08:00

Sometimes problems in a relationship is not because
of you or your partner but because it's fate. This time my
gf told me that the doctor suspects that her leukemia was
re-emerging (not too sure about the time, my memory is
failing me =.="). At that point my gf and I were sitting in
a ingame town talking and making up after testing times
or at leastI was trying to.

She had other things in mind which were far more serious.
She might need to go get admitted for medication to her
leukemia. After things were more certain later she told
me about what she had to and told me that it may take
months. I wasn't even close to thinking about how i'll be
when i'm separate with her. All i wanted is for my girl to
come back out of this test healthy as she was before. I told
her i'd wait for her recovery no matter how long it took.

When she left for her treatment, I didn't spend a day
without praying. I'm not much of a praying guy though,
this made my mom curious. By now i've already told my
mom about this wonderful girl I met online and mom was
happy for me because she could see the difference my gf
has made in my life. A few weeks into it, i finally broke
it to my mom that my gf was in the hospital and stuff.
She told me that I have to be strong for her and pray for
her recovery, not like i wans't doing it already. I even
made a vow to dedicate my walk with the anual thaipusam
chariot to the recovery of my gf and vowed to bald myself
as a homage to god for what he was to do for me.

Hours became days, days became weeks and weeks became
months. There was no one day that I didn't think about my
love who was suffering in the hospital. I missed her sooo
much, at that moment i just knew life without her would be
a life with no meaning for me. True that i have everyone
else, parents, sister, friends ,cousins and all but no
one as special as the person who's in the hospital now
wishing I was waiting for her. She made my day brighter
and my nights more peaceful, she motivated me in more ways
then one.

This was a really sad and testing time for me, I was bored
after spending hours talking to her before. The game we
were playing didn't seem as fun as when she was there. I
tried to find alternate souces to keep myself busy and
entertained. Such as chatting online, messing with my
facebook account and playing football every evening. I sent
her loads of emails as i told her i would, so that she can
read once she have the chance. Everyday i'd open my email
hoping to see "My Love" on the sender column. Everytime
I see a new mail coming in, i get exited and hopeful.

Finally after about 1 months or 2 months of waiting I get
a message from her. I wish I had kept those messages safe
for me to recall what it said. Nevertheless it was one of
the best moments in my life, i felt so releaved that it was
like someone gave me back my life :) I love my gf so much
I just can't think of any other girl in her place. Waiting
for a loved one to contact you after having such a sickness
was like nothing i've ever felt in life. I was so thankful
to god or whatever force that helped my gf and I through it.

That's it for this stage of my relationship....more to come
next time.

As it Unfolds (Part 2)

2009-01-04T10:44:00.004+08:00

As every relationship goes further, problems are inevitable and
this relationship was no different. The first time I got agitated
was when a so called friend J met my girlfriend after I got her
into the same guild as me. He started getting really close to my
gf when i wasn't around. At first i didn't think much of it, trust is
a key component of love, without trust there is only bound to be
misery.

As J started getting closer to my gf, i realized something was
really wrong, he wasn't acting like a normal friend at all. At this
moment i confronted my gf and told her that J is thinking of
something more then just friendship and she have to be aware
of it. My gf thought i got him misunderstood, so i confronted
J myself. He tells me, he likes my gf and he says sorry....

I was like WTF man..... I was so pissed at him and i don't know
if what i said after that was right. I told him, i trust my gf and
let the best man win. I told him you can try as much as you want
but i trust my gf and nothing is gonna take her away from me.
This triggered him to venture into his ambitions with more
freedom. I wish i hadn't said that to him, it's not because i was
scared my gf might leave me but to save my gf from unnecessary
problems.

As things got more serious, J said things he shouldn't have and
manipulated words i said and reported it to my gf. Problems
started between me and my gf. Such cheap skate tricks with
no dignity what so ever. From that point on, I was so angry with
J i'd have broken his face if i ever met him in real. Meanwhile,
my gf was having problems that i wasn't aware off.

She was developing a long dormant sickness she was carrying
which might have been something i caused also. She has had
leukemia when she was younger and the cancer was beginning
manifest again without us realizing. She staying awake for me
on odd hours because of our massive time difference may
have caused it to reappear.

By this time J's tricks were uncovered by me and put forth to
my gf with some proof. My girlfriends finally saw how J was.
Less then a fortnight after he was sidelined by my gf he was
after another girl >.<" So much for "i really love her i had to
take a chance although she's your gf". Now when i think of him
I just get disgusted.

Finally the first hurdle of out relationship was over and done with.
But not long after the second one will arise...

As it Unfolds (Part 1)

2009-01-01T20:35:00.005+08:00

I don't think many people reads this blog, but I think i'm
finally going to post something quite personal to me.

About 2+ years ago I just shifted to my new house in Klang.
After screwing up my studies in MMU because of too much
gaming, I started working for my dad. This didn't last though,
my dad and I just couldn't work together, petty quarrels
every time.

Since it was not working out, I seriously thought of giving
my brains another chance of proving itself. I know i'm not
stupid and the people around me also know I'm not stupid
but my indulgence in certain things go out of control, like
games. At that moment I told myself i'm going to quit online
gaming after 1 last spell on it.

I looked for the best RO server i could find and started playing.
I got pretty strong and all and joined a good guild and made
some great friends. Above all, one person stood out, one person
who would change me for life. It's funny how it all started, I saw
this little avatar girl standing in a cross junction with an in game
nick name "Kana". I couldn't help but to message her and say
"hey your nick is my real name"... that's when it all started. We
talked a lot after that, just as friends.

As time passed, i knew her more and more and i felt this magnetic
attraction towards her. So, what the hell I started making a move
on her not knowing what i'm getting into. Thing turn out superb
though, she was a dream come true. We got ever so close and i
care and love her as if she was my wife. Everything was going so
fine, i made all kinds of plans with her. She was in Canada, I was in
Malaysia. Just her being there for me motivated me, I made sure i
did well in my exams. She is a brilliant girl, who gives her all into
studies.

I was so in love, there is no words to describe.......

Limitations of views

2008-12-26T13:01:00.004+08:00

What happens when you see something and believe it's the real thing
but it's not really how it actually is? Since that is the only thing you
can see, you wouldn't know what was better because that's as good
as it gets for you. Lets say you had an eyesight that was different from
everyone else, lets say yours is more dull then everyone else's. Would
you think the world is not beautiful or would you say it's beautiful
because you're never seen anything better? as in "this is as good as it
gets" and 1+1 can never become 10. I don't know how this thought
was triggered in my biological processor but it's really making me
think. What if what I see and the best I can get isn't really the best
thing. I won't notice that i'm having something less because i'm not
capable of experiencing better things. When i look at it this way, i
think the person with the dull eyes won't really think the world is not
beautiful unless that person is really creative and can really think out
of the box. It may just be fantasy though, but imagine someone like
that manages to bring that world they think is more beautiful. Now
the questions arises if aesthetics are comparisons or static facts? I
don't know

All i know is if the person thinks it's not beautiful with a dull eyesight,
it's actually really good and it means that person has a really good
imagination. People who can see things they can't see are geniuses ,
can you imagine a material form which is not gas, not liquid and not
solid. Can you come up with an idea of a material which was not any
of those? Only a person who can do that will think the world is not
beautiful with a dull eyesight because they can think of things that
doesn't exist in their world. I can conclude with this that, what your
think is nice is nice and what you think is not nice is not nice.
Everything we think is just a state of our mind. As simple as that.
When the brain thinks that, then there is no stopping them, as far
as they are concerned, what they think they know is what they know
and they are not losing out on anything because they don't know
what's better.

It's really strange to think about it, may be what you think is good
isn't really the best. If we keep trying to get better then what we can
get, we might just become crazy and weird. So it's not entirely
healthy to do so. The end of this is.... just be happy with who you
are, because if you're happy and you are that the best state you can
be in then you have no worries. You're happy and that's the bottom
line....because elniniyo said so :P

Across the sea (modified) :D

2008-11-19T15:08:00.002+08:00

You are '19 year old girl who lives in America'
You heard me on msn
A couple year ago and you wanted to know
All about me, and my hobbies,
My favorite food and my birthday

Why are you so far away from me?
I need help and you're way across the sea
I could never touch you - I think it would be wrong
I've got your email
You've got my song

I don't see beautiful girls like this where i come from - so fragile,so refined
So I dream and I scream
my heart then falls to little pieces every time
I wonder what clothes you wear to school
I wonder how you decorate your room
I wonder how you touch yourself
and curse myself for being across the sea

Why are you so far away from me?
I need help and you're way across the sea
I could never touch you - I think it would be wrong
I've got your email
You've got my song

At 23 I shaved my head and tried to be holy
I thought the perfect girl would like me if i did
You see mom, I'm a good grown boy
It's all your fault, momma
It's all your fault

Goddamn, this business is really lame
I gotta live on an island to find the juice
So you send me
Your love
from all around the world
As if I could live on words and dreams and a million screams
Oh, how I need a hand in mine to feel.

Why are you so far away from me?
Why are you so far away from me?
I could never touch you - I think it would be wrong
I've got your email
You've got my song
I've got your email
You've got my song

25 years and counting

2008-11-13T11:09:00.011+08:00

"It feels like only yesterday we got of high school", says one of my high school mate. We're turning 25 this year, yeah quarter of a century gone in a blink of an eye. I want to review my life at this milestone and see what I've got. Hmmm lets see.

I've had a pretty good life in comparison to billions of other people, I'm happy for that. I've never had a problem of ever having to suffer from starvation or untended sickness. My parent have given me all that a kid need to grow up healthy, I love them so much for that despite their slip ups and sheer stupidity sometimes but hey, all of us have our moments. How many children can say, my dad bought me a car, paid for my education(even all the extensions >.<), got me all my favorite food when i wanted it, offered me their business to take over, mom has always been there for me, accepted my gf :P and they are still doing so much for me. My annoying little sister who loves me and in turn so do I. I just wish she'll also have a good life.

I thank god for no serious sicknesses, no bad accidents(except for the few bones i've broken >.<), for giving me the chance to meet my "100% perfect girl" hehe, for giving me a decent brain for thinking and giving me some talent with the football :D The biggest happiness I have in my life now is my lovely! lovely! girlfriend. All I've ever wished for my girl to be like, she is. She's beautiful, she's loving, she's smart, she's mesmerizing, she's crazy and logical at the same time lol, she's funny, she's aware and most of all...she LOVES me!! I can truly say she's the biggest thing I have in life.

My friends! Crazy guys, pretty girls, nerds(like me), football hunks, stupid fellas, blabber mouths and cousins. I'm so thankful to them to, they make life so much better and make me feel I'm not some lonely guy on the street.

My pets ^_^....Jimmy the always sleepy golden retriever, Pinky the one that always bites my footwear and my car number plates grrrrrr, the late "Wishbone" i miss him so much T.T, Anjali the cute little hamster in the corner and her friend she has the "love hate" relationship with...she's new I forgot her name >.<

My uncle's and aunties, what a big help they have been to me. The took me in when I needed a place to stay and study, treated me like their own son :) I'm sooo thankful to them. They surely made a difference to me.

Wow, I didn't know I had much much in life. Some made my life good, some made it more challenging but I'm thankful to all of them for they made me who I am now. I know there are a lot more influences to list out but that would made a list as long as my 25 years.

I love who I am now, I love my parents, I love my sister and most of all I love my "100% perfect girl". Like what Haruki Murakami tried to say in one of his stories "I don't know why she's my 100% perfect girl but I know she's my 100% perfect girl"(I think lol). The one who I was to spend the rest of my days with.

Peace out guys ^_^

New comers, be ready for them

2008-11-05T12:05:00.001+08:00

Hey guys, it’s been sometimes since I posted last. I just needed time away from writing, too much writing for my assignments I got sick of it. I’ve finally gotten over my assignment, although the bad news is I’ve got a new assignment now to work on >.<

Before I go on, the futsal tourney didn’t go too well. Yet again we only made it up to the quarter finals, we lost out yet again to the eventual winners and we actually played better than the other finalist. There were some disappointment in the team, some of the members didn’t perform as much as I would have liked. I’m just happy I played well enough for people in the tournament to recognize me. I did get a few injuries that are taking some time to heal but all in all it was a good experience.

Now for today’s topic, I’ve got a new nephew. He was born on the 2^nd November 2008. The baby is yet to be named and is having some medical problems which is making a lot of relatives unhappy. To begin with the baby was scheduled to be born on the 15^thNovember 2008 but it seemed like he wanted to see all of us earlier haha. On the first day everything was fine and everyone was happy, but then something changed. On the second day the baby was having difficulties breathing and was rushed to a baby specialist hospital. Later on we found out that the baby had air in the lungs that was preventing it from efficiently working. The doctor says there might be a birth defect on the baby which wouldn’t surprise me because his parents are first cousins.

Why was a baby that young suffering? The baby is innocent and hasn’t even known how the world looked and yet has already started feeling the pain of life. This isn’t fair at all, but Ii would blame my family, there have been so many proven studies that in family marriages can cause defects on children and yet they still go on with it. It’s just sad that an innocent baby has to suffer from this, guess what life sucks like that >.<>

Another thing that caught my attention was the fact that we have to save up as preparations to welcome the newcomer. I always thought giving birth to a baby isn’t really a problem to the pocket but this birth my cousin is having is proving to be a costly one. 24 hours intensive care unit fees for the baby is at a staggering RM3000 and we’re not even sure how long the baby will be in ICU. Imagine if he was in there for a week that’s like RM 20,000 at least. What would happen if the parents can’t afford it? Its crazy how much they charge, but with good care comes high bills. This is definitely a lesson for me to learn. When I know my wife is expecting, I would have 9 months to amass funds for any eventualities, hopefully that would be sufficient added to the saving before.

I guess that’s it for now, there will be more post on here for sure but I got no idea when. See you guys when I see you guys, till then....peace out ^_^

Love You Long Time

2008-10-23T02:00:00.003+08:00

“Love you long time”, when you see this title what would you think of. Naturally a person might think of a song name, a movie, a play or even poem. Have you actually ever seen a person give this name to a sporting team? When I heard this I was shell shocked, what the hell is happening to kids these days? The worst part is this kid included me in the team as well. It’s the name of the football team me and a bunch of my friends have put together to enter a 5 aside futsal tournament.

If I was the opponent, I’d laugh and shout “hahaha you guys are soooo GAY!!” >.< Just too bad this time I might be at the embarrassing end of it. Why did I even put it up to Nirmal to name the team I should have known better then give that bearded kid the responsibility. It was my fault and I now have to face the consequences. The only thing I can hope for is our opponents to underestimate us because of that name (not that we’re so pro anyway >.<)

The tourney is on this coming Saturday 25^th October. We have a few reliable players, our goalkeeper James is reputed to be pretty good. Our striker Yusoff is pretty decent, him and I combined pretty well when we played together hopefully that can keep on going during the tourney. Patrick is always dependable when it comes to defending although sometimes he lacks the enthusiasm and ends up not being serious in the game, I don’t think he’ll ever be like that in a tournament though. Then there is me, the so called heart of the team and I’m supposed to make things happen. Honestly well with these guys around I’m like pretty good against them but, I’ve gotten so used to playing these guys I’ve forgotten how other players are and every time I play with new people my passed get intercepted easily and get caught in possession. I usually step up to a challenge though, I’m not fully confident of myself but I know I won’t suck too bad, football is one of those things I’ve always been decent at and I hope I don’t disappoint anyone. The ones I’ve mentioned so far, I expect to be the good performers.

Now comes the 3 weaker links in the team, they are not really bad but they have their good days and bad days and sometimes they can totally phase out. I’ll start with Chandra, my closest cousin and usually a explosive character in the futsal pitch, not an anger management issue though. He is a pretty decent defender, perhaps because of his physical approach to the game but he can also be one of those wing back kind that runs forward and takes shots. The only set back to Chandra is he lack the confidence and he gets tensed when he’s under pressure and he does irrational things...haha yeah but not things like getting into fights and all, he just kicks the ball where ever he is facing. The second one is Nirmal, yeah the one that named the team “Love you long time” I’m going to begrudge him for a long time for that >.< Nirmal is a stable player and on his day he can be a great asset but he also has his downside, Nirmal lacks in fitness (not very badly though) and sometimes also makes silly decisions otherwise he’s great. The last one is Fabian the Fabulous haha. Fabian has a way of getting through players in the most unimaginable manner and I still can’t imagine now. He stumbles and stumbles and stumbles but somehow comes out with the ball, but this is usually with a lesser opponent. With experienced players he seems to do it lesser but still manages to get through every now and then and puts himself in a great position. Fabian is also kind of easy to push off the ball, but I hope he can work it out during the tourney and give us “Fabulous at his best” stuff.

I’ve been talking too much I think, but I just wanted anyone who read this post to wish us luck to do the best we can ^_^ I genuinely think if we all performed in the top of our game, we can beat the best of teams in this tournament. We’ll try to make “Love you long time” proud. Now I want to go watch the Atlentico Madrid vs Liverpool champions league game. You'll Never Walk Alone. Peace out

Story of A Lifetime

2008-10-21T21:43:00.002+08:00

I hate writing but it’s not the concept of expressing myself with words but just the fact it’s a lot more effort writing than showing or talking. Have you guys thought of telling someone everything you felt throughout in your life? For people who have written journals or diaries this would be easy, they can just past the dairy to the person they wanted to tell the story to. I’ve never written any diaries because the story of my life. I’m pretty secretive and very choosy of the people I tell things to. What I tell people is just the how much they need to know, not lies though. Well there have been lies, but not to the important people in my life.

Back to the topic, who are the people you would tell the story of your life to? I was watched this movie recently “Definitely Maybe” and seeing the guy open up his past to his daughter made me think if I can ever do that. May be I have done so many stupid things in the past that I just want to bury it and just forget about it. The thing I did in the past doesn’t reflect the things I do now because I changed. Everyone you meet in the way changes you, not that I did a lot of terrible things. May be a little lie there and a little lie here making myself look bigger and better then I am (I don’t do that regularly, just when I feel threatened).

Anyway, who can this person be? Because I know at one point of my life I will have to do this, I have this thing that I want to show someone the mistakes I did and the right things I did so that they would learn from it or they would tell me how I can improve myself. An opinion of another person is always good because they can see things you don’t. This person though can’t be some stranger to me because I can’t open up to someone who I don’t fully trust yet and not everyone I fully trust I can tell these things to.

I guess I will find this out when the time comes. This was really some kind of useless reading to you guys I think lol. Just something I was thinking to myself, sorry to make you read so much with nothing much to gain >.<>

Most Anticipated Games

2008-10-05T13:22:00.002+08:00

Every year a few games like movies will have a few big titles to look forward to. Games would gear up their PCs or get new consoles as preparations to welcome these big titles. The most common once are the sequels, as the new name games will still be unknown.

This time round I have quite a few games I'm looking forward to, nowadays not many games attract me so I hope they can maintain their good performance as far as I'm concern. THe titles i'm looking forward to are Final Fantasy 13 (play station 3), Diablo 3 (PC) and Fallout 3.

I'll start with final fantasy 13, there are no PS gamer who like RPG can say no to a Final Fantasy franchise. To me final fantasy 12 was kind of a mess up by square enix, as far as I'm concern that games sucked massively. Final fantasy 13 though has brought back the good looking main characters, which I've kinda missed lol, the graphics are awesome, the only set back for me is the change of the turn based system. I loved the old final fantasy game play which is more to planing rather then reactions, may be i just suck at fast game play lol. (i'm pretty decent with cs though, funny >.<)

The next would be Diablo 3, Diablo is a game that really gets me sucked into it. I played Diablo 1 over and over and over again with all the character, I simply loved it. I think i have a thing for medieval weapons and armour, games with swords and bows and staff are my thing haha. Blizzard is also famous for it's storyline and it wonderful CG, the short clips after ever Act/Part is unbelievably good. Diablo 1 and 2 is definitely in my favorite game list and I was so exited to know Diablo 3 is also in it's way :D

Fallout 2 was only one of the games that got me sucked it for sometime, although the games wasn't as smooth as i'd have liked it to be, it was still massive fun. I like their turn base system. Turn based games are my games :) I hope Fallout 3 will improve their functionality story while maintaining the fun turn based system.

Now for the sad part....I need to find the money to both upgrade the pc and also get a ps3 T.T

Driving Under Influence of Alcohol

2008-10-04T10:58:00.002+08:00

It was 4am in the morning, there was a knock on my room door. I open it and see my cousin there with my dad and my cousin says "Your dad just got into a massive accident, the car is gone". My first instinct was to look at my dad, he was standing straight and he was stable "Thank God, i said to myself". My heart was beating but the fact that he was standing there took a whole lot of weight out of me.

What would have happened to my family if our sole bread winner was lost, I know i'm not so close to my dad as many others would be, but i still love him. In the end he is my dad no matter what he did, I don't want to lose him ever. It made me so angry though, this was is third time in two months to have and an accident in the middle of the night.

What the hell is wrong with him? This time it was so close to him being injured badly. Is it a must to go out and get drunk at night? Is it so important that it means it's a chance of losing his life? My dad and many other people need to learn that driving under influence of alcohol is the main catalyst to road accident deaths next to sleepiness.

He tells me "I fell asleep". Yeah you nutmeg, it's 3am in the morning and you're drunk...how else will you be? Is it really necessary to drink so much when you know your house isn't even close to near the place? Come on people, think of your loved once. Me and my mom are never gonna have a nights peace from now on if my dad is not home yet.

Never mind that, we don't want to lose the head of our family. We love you a lot dad although you make me angry all the time and make me think you're one of the dumbest person of all time in certain areas. We don't want to lose you like this, please be considerate and please love yourself too. This is definitely not the way to go. This also goes to all the other people out there who think enjoying life is more important then life. Then again, drinking alcohol is not exactly enjoying life. Care for yourself, care for your family, care for others in the road as well.

Time Flies

2008-10-02T10:42:00.002+08:00

Is it me or is time moving faster? It's feels like i just went out on a new years count down with my friends and it's already October. When did i become so old....omg i'm already 25.....What the....... No gimme my teenage life back...lol

Why does it feel like times is moving so much faster? It's not only me, everyone feels it. May be it's because life now is hectic and also we have so many things to do that we don't realize how much time we spend on these things. It's a scary thought though, life is just passing by so fast and you only have one life to live.

All we can do is hope to go we're making this little time we're given to do things that are important for us because if you're doing something wrong, before you know it you're in deep shit >.< Good times move fast too, but the best thing with this is we tend to see the results of our work faster then we did before.

May be it's not faster then before, may be before we were just looking at the calender more. Now days you just decide to look on the calender when you have to fill in a form with the date or when you write a letter. Most of the time i don't know what day and date i'm in, i even get confused with the years...LOL but i guess that's just me. >.<

We have to make good decisions and reap the best of the short time we have, it feel even shorter then it was before >.< scary. Lets do the best for ourselves and bliss through the time we're give to live this life. Most importantly, don't let other suffer in the little time they have also. We rarely get a second chance these days. Time flies....peace out

Manipulation, Our Life

2008-09-29T12:11:00.009+08:00

What we see, what we hear and what we feel is what we think is real. What we don't realize is, how much of a lie we're living in. The human race has be toyed with by various people in the race itself to make the general population think, what they say is right. If one religion is almighty and true, why are there so many fanatics from so many religions. One of them may be right, which means the rest of them are just being toyed with. Or non of them may be even close to real. This is the situation we're living in now, blurred by the truth and also the lie.

What we see has be totally dominated my television these days. The tv has the right to brag, that it's the teacher to all. Even those without the tv is being manipulated by people who watch tv. Every argument or debate that takes place has it's own measure of lie. Politicians twist and turn their words to make them seem a lot more real then what it really is. People in the entertainment business portray false believes and make them look so good that people are tempted to do what they ask them to do and the people do it. Then again this might all not even be a lie. >.< sigh

Propaganda dominates our ears, rumors rule our actions. Neither the eye nor the ear can be trusted anymore. Then again, this has been so ever since humans were civilized, look where it has brought us. We're more modern then we ever were, everything is done so easily. We barely do 10% of the things the ancient humans did. So is manipulation good or bad?

Is making people thinking the direction you do manipulation? People may argue that you should just give them the facts and make them think for themselves. This process is a hard one these days where so many people lack simple common sense. Since this is the case people have to convince others and put what they think in a motivating manner that it's almost looks like it's manipulation to make others believe and bring them into view. No, it doesn't look almost like manipulation. It is MANIPULATION.

Even the people who have good things to portray to make life batter have to use manipulation these days. I think manipulation isn't evil anymore, it's a need. People's minds are too complex for others to see exactly what they see, so they have to explain and put it in the right order and the right tone to hit the heart of the listener. Many may argue this is not manipulation but it does sound like one to me.

Don't be worried by this, manipulation has been with us since men knew how to lead. The manipulator is the successful man, as people say some salesmen can sell ice to the Eskimo. The day you're able to do that, that's the day you're successful but that doesn't mean you're good :)

Pick the road you want to thread carefully because in this world, right and wrong is judged by a very very minuscule line. Peace out

Form is temporary, Class is permanent

2008-09-28T17:51:00.006+08:00

"Form is temporary, Class in permanent", That's the shout the commentator gave when El Nino fired Liverpool's second goal in yesterday's merseyside derby. It has been quite a wait for Torres to return to form after his brilliance of last season that saw him become the best scoring debutant ever in the English Premier League.

Liverpool outclassed Everton right form he start till the end of the game. in the first half, Liverpool controlled the midfield with sheer class, Everton had no answers to the questions that Liverpool were asking them in the midfield but like most of this season's games, Liverpool lacked the sting from the attack which saw them struggling to get wins from the most unlikely teams (Stoke city, Standard Liage).

Torres was so frustrated with the aggressive play by Everton's back four, Keane was out of place yet again, Reira's crossings were out of mark. Gerrard and Kuyt were doing a fantastic job like they always do, yet no clear chances were created either end of the field except for that one chance Everton had which Tim Cahill was not able to find his feet to convert from close distance.

The second half started with so substitutions from either side and Liverpool again were in the driving seat. Torres's frustrations continued in the early stages of the second half were he got himself booked when he protested a foul he committed. Soon after that Alonso slots a perfect through pass to send Robbie Keane to the touchline, Keane took a slight look to his left and sent a sublime lob right across the goal to find Torres and when you see Torres approaching the the ball you already know where the ball is gonna end. Torres eased a volley in between Tim Howord's leg and it was one up to the red half of the merseyside.

After the first goal every move that Liverpool made was out of the world, beaming with confidence the red army marched into the Everton half and before you know it Keane slide a ball to Kuyt into the center of the penalty area that draws a superb tackle from Jagielca only to see the ball roll to Torres. Torres strikes a super shot into roof of Everton's net and the crowd erupts.

It was all one way now, and just within minutes Kuyt sweep the ball into the net after a Reira cross only to see it ruled out because the ball had already crossed the outside line before Reira pulled it back. A corner of awarded instead. The corner was taken short and Aurelio sent it sweet cross straight into Torres's feet and with another pin point finish Torres slotted the ball back into the far side of the goal. The hattrick though was not to be, because ref Mike Riley deemed it was a foul by Kuyt for a non existent push.

The game went on to end at 2-0 in favor of Liverpool. Watching this game made my eyes shine because finally the Liverpool strikers are back!!! Now lets see who can stop the red army. Next week will be taking Liverpool to the new billionaires, the blue half of Manchester, Manchester city let by Premier League's 32milion pounds record signing Robinho.

It's won't be an easy task to curb the speedy skillful shorties in Manchester City but i'm confident that Liverpool will come through again. Long Live Liverpool, you'll never walk alone!!.

Passion and Fascinations of My Life

2008-09-27T13:44:00.003+08:00

Boredom is a feeling when you're not interested in anything that is around you or the lack of activity surrounding them. So now, how do you get rid of boredom? You find an activity that would keep you interested in, in other words "hobbies". There is a dangerous thing about hobbies though. People tend to take hobbies too far and forget the things that were important before they got bored.

It is essential that the hobby that you choose has some element of usefulness because, even if the hobby gets out of hand and become a lifestyle it will bear fruit and you can live on it. Did all those people that changed the lifestyle of men have hobbies?

Lets think of Einstien, what was his hobby? The only record of a hobby he had was when he was still a boy, he played the violin. Now playing the violin is a good hobby because if it had become his lifestyle, it could still be his bread and butter being a musician. To me I think Einstien's biggest hobby was to prove his theories, his biggest hobby was thinking. This hobby he had let him to great discoveries such as "special theory of relativity", "principle of relativity", "relativistic cosmology", "capillary action", "critical opalescence" and many more that changed the live we live today.

In other words, i think the best hobby you can have is a hobby you can spend your whole life doing. This may start with boredom or it may start with passion, but either way i think this is an essential part of life that we have to find out by ourselves. Although not many of us get the chance of doing what we like, we should try to get there at least.

I've had passion for a few things, i have a passion to make things tick together (more mechanical), I have the fascination towards things that fly (planes and choppers), i have the passion in football, i have the fascination on how to make good stories and I have the passion in me to love my partner (girlfriend). Among all these passions and fascination there are a few i didn't get a chance to pursue but I'm not sad because I'm still in a field i can make things tick together (Information Technology namely programming) and i still play my favorite sport (Football) and I have found the love of my life.

The only worry I have is, are these passions strong enough to carry me all the way without getting bored and finding a new passion that would not bring me any good and ruin what I already have. I have gotten into one once and I'm glad I saw the light and escaped (MMORPGs).

Well i hope all of you would find things that you have passion in life and live through it without wasting the precious life we have on insignificant things. Hobbies should remain as hobbies for while you're bored and not let the main interest in your life be ruined. Ciao ^_^

Dilemma of The Heart

2008-09-26T08:23:00.008+08:00

Lately a young boy I know approached me and asked me, "How to tell a girl, I love her?" and i just asked him to go confess it to her because you never know unless you ask. It was just so easy for me to say it but I remember there was a time when I was scared too. I'm kinda curious though on why I was so scared.

Was I scared I'd be rejected? or was I just scared that the girl would go complain to her parents? (This was when I was still schooling) or was I scared my friends would laugh at me? Hmmmm.... strange thing this. Everyone knows if you don't ask you never know but guys just want to be sure that the girl likes him before asking. Why is this?

Lets see the first reason, "Scared of rejection". I'm quite sure this is one of the reasons, a guys ego is pretty important to him, being told "eww..you want to date me?" would be totally disastrous to him. This may be a reason but i'm sure a guy can take it after some time for soul healing lol. I'll mark this as one of the reasons.

The second one was, "Scared of elders". When you're in school, your friends parents were like the grown lions (even if he/she was tiny lol). Imagine if the mom of the girl comes to you and say, "Keep your filthy face away from my daughter, you should be concentrating in studies now not doing this kinda things". Man...that would be scary >.<, in some cases I think yeah this can be a reason too.

The third one, "Mockery by friends". "Hahaha you loser, that girl din even like you a bit man", dang that would hurt. When you're in school, what your friends thought about you was pretty darn important (peer presure), which may also be a reason why you'd want a gf. For the purposes of admiration (well that's then :p). Personally I din think this was much of a factor because a lot of them got this kinda mockery and still lived on their school lives full of pride. LOL

Personally i think the fear of rejection is the biggest factor in this when you're in school, non of those relationships were really truly heartfelt, more were just over exaggerated infatuation. I think a person has to be more matured to actually feel a full blown love. Not saying non of the school kids have that kinda maturity, it's just rare at that age unless they have a really logical mind beyond their age. Thus, the burn on the ego would be really hard felt.

As for older guys, I think there may be two things. One would definitely be fear of rejection and the other would be the lost of a good friend, someone you really admired. Admiration doesn't only go to the person you love but also to your closest friends at times. The lost of such a good friend will be a great lost, thus there is more then one thing to think about if the friend was a girl you want to date.

My advice is, just do what you think you want to do, if you think you're scared to tell, then wait till you think it's the right time. When you do this, sometimes you'll never get to tell it and the chance will be lost forever but this is how we learn things in life. We are like just any other animals, we learn from mistakes (may not even be a mistake). But at one point, you better make sure you learn and open up to the girl you love, weigh the benifits and lost and see if you can accept the lost before you make a move. That's what I think, it may be wrong but that's my way i do things (not always). Peace out... good luck in everything ^_^

My Body Weight

2008-09-25T15:36:00.004+08:00

Ever since I was aware of myself, I've been one of the skinniest guy I know. It has never actually hit me as a flaw in myself, I've always been comfortable with myself and I didn't see that I was losing in anyway. I was decent in sports, I had the attention of girls, I was strong enough to do what I needed to do and whatever else.

I don't know what came over me recently though, I just wanted to become better than I ever was. So, I decided to improve myself in every way i know and the first thing that hit me was my body weight. I think it hit me the most because, my cousin was down from UK... he was just like me, skinny and stuff but, this time when he came down he was muscular and very much bigger then before.

I thought to myself if he can do it, I can do it too and it's definitely something better then what I am now. Since then i took the initiative to get myself to shape, I got myself the right supplements, ate as much as I can and got a gym membership to make all that food count. I've now put in a few kgs and I can see my body changing, I can feel my body changing.

Even though I'm gaining a lil bit more meat then before, masking my rib cages a bit more, I don't feel any different (except the part where I've never felt meat on my body LOL). My confidence level hasn't changed, the way I feel about myself hasn't changed, nothing changed. I thought before that I'd have a different mentality if I was bigger then I was.

Now when I see adverts and stuff, they say things like "build your body and feel more confident of yourself" (for skinny people) I just laugh at it. Confidence is what you get from inside you and not from the way people look at you. So what if people call you skinny? hahaha. The only thing I'm happy about is, I'll be able to stop people from calling me skinny.

I don't think i've increased my desirability rating, although my gf says I look a little better. I don't know, may be it's because i'm not satisfied with my weight yet? I'll see what happens in another 2 or 3 months lol.

I am afraid I'd lose the things I had before, like speed and agility more then anything but i'm gonna still try doing it. You don't know unless you try and if my gf likes me better, then it's definitely a step forward. We'll see what happens...

Nerd and Geeks

2008-09-24T08:02:00.004+08:00

Errrr... I am considered a nerd? What denotes a nerd?
Recently I went looking for the actual definition to the word "NERD" and it said, "An insignificant student who is rediculed as being affected or boringly studious" or "An intelligent but single minded expert in a particular technical field or profession".

I don't think i fall in neither of these categories. "An insignificant student", hmmm may be that can be counted in...not sure, but when they add "who is rediculed as being affected or boringly studios"... I'm quite sure I don't study much at all, saying that, how can i be boringly studious? The second definition is "An intelligent but single minded expert in a particular field", firstly I'm not that intelligent, and most definitely not single minded. I love all kinda things like sports and games and movies, so i'm happy to say I'm not a Nerd haha.

Now, I wanna know if the saying "Nerd" is a good thing or is it a bad thing. Some people say, nerds are the onces that make it big in life, that they are smart and talented. What do you call someone who is really good in more then one thing...lets say in studies and also in sports. I've have seen people like that being called a nerd. Is the definition of the word changing? Is nerd the same as geek? Some people say geek can be denoted to something good and nerd is more use to ridicule and others say vise versa.

People need to stop using words they don't know the meaning to lol. They confuse the people who don't know the word yet. Anyway the quest to knowing if nerd is good or not is still not over because there are too many different definitions from too many different people.

With that being said, would anyone be proud by calling them self a nerd? I guess it's all up to the person who's being called that. The "good" definition of the word might be even made by the nerds themselves to make it sound better then it is. All i know is i don't think i fall into the category after reading the definitions. SAFE!! lol....but then, who cares in the end >.<

I don't care what i'm called, i'm just gonna be rich and have cool cars and have a lovely pretty wife who's also cool like that. Don't worry about a thing guys, if they call you a nerd, a geek or whatever. Just work towards your goal and get it. Then, even the nerd/geek will be the coolest people in the whole wide world. ^_^ Peace out

Soul Mate

2008-09-23T16:44:00.010+08:00

I've heard so many love stories from so many different cultures. Some stories sound more practical, some stories sound very idealistic. My question is, is there such a thing as a match made in heaven? Your other half that is born just for you, your soul mate. If there is such a thing, when will someone know that he/she is the soul mate?

There has been numerous occasions where a person thinks the partner is his/her soul mate but they eventually break up in very bitter manners. Makes me think there is no such thing as a soul mate. Soul mate is a term created to ease the suffering of the people who are lonely or the people who just got off a massive break up. "She is just now meant for you." or "There is a guy just born for you and waiting for you" are pretty good consoling words.

To me I think compatibility is about how well you can communicate with your partner, you don't have to have all the similar interests(some will be a big advantage though). The big thing is for your partner to be able to see what you're talking about and how you cannot take your eyes of her beauty no matter how long you've been with her. The manner of attraction will change eventually from the time you first met them. The personality and the care given to you will over weight the beauty you see in her eventually and this is the important part, this is what you should look out for. If all you see in him/her is the look, you'll go through a hard time later on.

This is the reason why I'm a big hater to the arranged marriages in the olden cultures. This method is as a lot of other things in the past, pro male (not all arranged marriages have turned out bad though). Things have changed now, the women has a say and are a lot more independent then they were in the olden times. In those days, when the guy gets bored with the woman (when her looks are not appealing to him anymore), he just goes to the next one he can lay his hands on. The woman will have no say and will have to accept what the husband does.

What a bunch of crap, to all you idiots out there who's reading this and who's having an affair outside your marriage, you're a bunch of selfish apes. Go back and hang in trees without any clothes on like the animals you are.

People who are still looking for the right one for yourself, please choose well. What happens with a broken relationship doesn't only bring bad things into your life but also to the lives of your children (if you happen to have any). Soul Mates are the people who you choose who are right for you and this doesn't just come like that. There must be an effort put in just like any other thing in life.

Use your common sense, the creator has given if more to man then any other living creature but man is not making use of it. Everyone wants good things, don't be selfish, care for all. When you do all this you won't only deserve a Soul Mate but you will be running to get one. ^_^

Peace out

Racial Pride

2008-09-22T14:02:00.002+08:00

Have you ever thought where did the different skin colours come from? If you read the bible, they say we come from Adam and Eve and if you follow the Darwin's theory, it says we come from primates. Either way, we started out as one...when did people turn white, black, brown, yellow, red and so on?

The most satisfiying theory is, there was only black people and while people on the planet at first and from that there were mixes of genes that give a possibility of 16 colour tones. If this was the case, were there two different sets of first people on the planet? Or was Adam black and Eve white or vise versa?

No matter how things go, we're all essentially one race. One way or rather we're all related. Races are just boundries that were made up, and it confines the people of the world from opening up to other cultures and arts. Wouldn't it be better if all the knowledge is shared? and no lie was told to make one race bigger then the other?

Racial pride is a pride that was derived by proud men to satisfy thier ego of greatness. Now days you can find at least one person from one race saying "my race is the greatest". I say "bull shit", there is no greatest race, there is no weakest race. The only difference is the way this different races grew over time. This is not entirely bad if people can open up and accept that all men are one, all the different ways to look at life combined in one compilation that would help the whole of mankind grow.

If racial pride is abolished, a lot of bloodshed can be avioded. These days, religion is taking over the racial pride. I don't want to comment more on this and pull hatred to myself. What i'm saying is all men should put aside thier difference and work togather. I myself am a mixed person, my mom is biologically Chinese and my dad is biologically Indian. I've gained so much from this union, the crossing of the two cultures in me and thought me loads.

I take the good from both sides and try to be a better person on the whole. I'm not saying i'm all good, but I'd like to say exposure from the two biggest races in the world has brought me a different prespective from all the people who go around with load of thier race pinned on thier back.

Love everyone, take the good, throw the bad and live in harmony. The world will be a better place if the colour and race is forgotten. Cheers ^_^

Music Markers

2008-09-21T13:10:00.007+08:00

Late night I watched Liverpool only able to come off with a draw with Stoke City. Really a fusterating game to watch as a LIverpool fan. Liverpool controlled the whole game but Stoke City was playing defence with 10 man. Liverpool had good chances although it was such a tight defence, unfortunately they weren't able to find the back of the net. The one goal they scored was not allowed by the referee for no apparant reason, there was no offside, there was not foul play, there was no reason. Referees like that should be sacked immediately. The whole thing pissed me off massively and my mood was like down low. So, i decided to watch the next match which was Arsenal vs Bolton where if Arsenal wins they will go past Liverpool in the standings. Half way through the game Arsenal was 2-1 up and i got bored with it.

I switched the channel at that point to HBO and this movie "Music & Lyrics" was just starting. This movie was about two people coming togather while writing a song, one does the lyrics and one does the music. The song that they make is brilliant(well to me) and it has a personal effect on me since it reminded me of the love of my life.

My girlfriend is an amazing singer (I swear I'm not biased), she had made a cover for this song sometime back. As soon as the song started playing in the movie, all I could think about is her. It totally changed my mood from fusterated and angry to in peace and love lol.

Now that I think back into all the things I've been through in life, I can also think of a songs from that period of time that accompanies the feelings. Music can be a marker to the event in our life, now when I play my playlist on Windows Media Player, every other song signifize a moment in time and it reminds me of what has come to pass.

Music has played a big role in my life and I'm quite sure it has to many of you guys also. It brings back memories that other wise you may totally forget as time past. Music is a marker to the moments in my life and I'm never ever going to lose the songs in my PC.

Whirlwind of Life

2008-09-20T16:10:00.000+08:00

Now, who'd have thought i'd start a blog?

I honestly hated the idea of diaries because i'm pretty secretive, didn't really want to let people know what I was thinking about because half the time it's just crap. Lately, things have been changing with how i see things though. May be it's for the better, may be it's not, but i'm felling a lot more focused and i'm guessing it's for the better. Thanks to one special person in my life that i'd never ever forget.

Life truly is a whirlwind, sometimes you're floating in the sky thinking nothing can get better and the next moment you see yourself eating sand because you're forced to and you cannot go any lower. Thanks to my uncle's words lately, I found out things have to go down before they start pushing up. For instance, which are the two most industrious countries in the world? It's Japan and Germany, if either of this countries had won their respective wars, would they be how they are now? Failure or down time is just a catalyst to the catapult to spring you upwards. The sad thing about this is, the higher you go, the harder you fall. Thus i say, life is a whirlwind.

Never let failure break you, it's just another step to victory. Cherrs everyone enjoy the good times and learn from the bad times ^_^