Sense of Achievement

What makes all the pain and torture of life worth it?
To me, the biggest joy comes when I’m able to complete
a task that's challenging. This is probably one of the
main reasons why I like programming so much. It's not
easy to create a program that works well, and when I
finally get it, it feels soooo good. Makes me feel like a
creator of something that actually works lol.

The sense of achievement can come from the simplest
things and provide you with the greatest confidence.
Just a simple skill with a football would give a person
a well needed confidence to a play a football. A guy
can get one of the greatest confidence when he can
make the girl he adores fall in love with him. When I
was younger making something from my building
block was something that made me so happy, it would
be a decoration in my house for days haha.

The thing about sense of achievement is, the more
difficult the task at hand the greater we feel when we
complete it. I've not had much share of this feeling
because there are not many difficult things that i'm
very passionate about. Most of my sense joy comes from
gaming and football. The thing about gaming is, anyone
can do it if they spent enough time on it, so it's just a
time for success thingy since all you do is just sit in one
place clicking your mouse. Not difficult at all. Football
gives me a lot of joy though. I love it when i'm the
main player in a team that everyone looks up to. Even
better if we win the match or tournament.

What gives me the most joy is having my gf. She's so
amazing sometimes i feel like having a dream, kinda
hard to believe that i'm her bf haha. It's a big challenge
for us though to keep it going but neither of us are gonna
give up. So, guys and gal don't shy away from a challenge.
If it's difficult, remember that if your get it done, it
might be a highlight of your life. Cheers till next time.
Peace out ^_^

Games I like

When I was 5 my parents bought me this building block toy
called “Lacy”, I doubt many of you will know what this thing
is. The most unique and popular block in this set is a “H”,
those who have played it should remember it now. That was
like my favourite toy my entire childhood. I used to build all
kinds of things, even making things that are not in the building
guide book. It really helped my analytical skills because of the
different angels I had to think to get what I wanted done. That
was practically the first thinking game I got into.

Then when I was 7, two of my cousins who were already
working by then got me two fascinating games. The first one
was Monopoly and the other was a Chess set. Monopoly was
such a fun game to play with the family, every time my
cousins came around I’d whip out the monopoly set and we’ll
sit in a corner laughing, shouting and having so much fun hehe.
But the game that really captivated me was Chess. The first
day I got it, mom thought me all the rules and we had a test
game, guess what? I beat her in the first game! Lol. From then
onwards I was really fixated in chess. I joined the school chess
club and soon started representing the school on tournaments.
A couple of my uncles were supposedly good in chess; every
time I see them I’ll bug them to have a game with me. Even
if I lost every game I every played with them.

My skill in Chess rapidly improved in the next two years, I
became one of the top players in school and I only couldn’t
beat one uncle by the time I was 10. This improvement kept
increasing till I even represented my University in a prestigious
International tournament, and I even mange to play a game
with a Chinese Grandmaster and get a “Draw” out of it. Now,
no one in my extended family can beat me in chess, but I’m
definitely not the best either. I still get pawned in tournaments
with good players.

When I was about 12, my friends and I started playing another
board game called “Risk”. This game was like nothing I’ve
ever seen before. It was like a computer game on a board :P
Strategies, alliances, manipulation, armies, territories....wow
the whole package!! This game took over the monopoly
sessions i used to have with cousin. Now days every chance
we get, we’ll play Risk instead. Around the same time, I got
into computer games also. Played games like Command and
Conquer, Xcom Apocalypse, Heroes of Might and Magic,
Diablo, War Hammer, War Craft, Counter Strike and a bunch
more. The games I like the most are the RTS games, more
thinking to do then blind hack and slash. I think it really
improves analytical skills and thinking out of the box and not
to mention the other knowledge we get like history and
cultures.

Even my favourite sport has the element of thinking and making
split second decisions to be a good player. I think most sports
have this element though, like tennis, American football, hockey
and a lot more. In my case it’s football (soccer), of course you
can get through this game with pure brute force, but when you
incorporate some thinking into your game it makes you stand
out. Knowing when to pass, when to move forward, when to
move back and when to shoot according to your teams formation
is really important to ensure a good strategy to win a game.
Games like these makes it less boring and a lot more fun. If you
think about it, our whole life is a thinking game, if you don’t
think through life you won’t get very far. So think before you do
things, think before you say things, think before you do anything.
That’s it for this post, hope you all enjoyed it and see ya’ll in the
next one. Peace out ^_^

Supernatural (End)

Angels, Demons and Aliens :P
Talk about the mother of mysteries. Well at the end of the last
post I gave a sneak preview of this entry and said i’ll talk about
angels and demons, as how I view it. In my opinion demons are
no more than other living creatures that live among us. If this is
true then why can’t we see them you may ask. Well cause it’s
how they are? Haha I know it’s like what the heck am I saying.
Seriously don’t take my word for any of this. I’m just speculating
I think demons are just other creatures in another frequency
living on the same planet or are aliens that come from a different
planet whom are in a different wavelength from our presence.
Why are they here and why do they torment our souls? Like I’ve
said before, our soul are from an inexhaustible energy source.
Demons may have found a way to tap this energy source to feed
their technology or their lives, which is why they hold on to the
souls that they find wondering around. These souls are made to
carry out their biddings to capture more human souls who are
still in a host body.

Now then, who are the angels? Well, like i said in the first post
the god(the mighty energy) has a task to balance everything.
So, naturally the forces of the demon have the force of angels
to be aware of. The Angels might be from the same race as the
demons who dislike the way the demons take advantage of
other lives (Think Autobot and Deceptacons LOL). It all comes
down now to who are these guys? They may be in this planet
way before humans were here, just invisible to our eyes and
only showing themselves when they want themselves to be
seen or they might be travelling aliens finding new source of
energy. Another theory is that they are from a parallel
dimension who found a way to travel between life plains.

Dimensions, there is a theory that there is more than just one
universe around, what i’m inclined to believe that might be
true. This is because i believe everything will have to come in
pair since everything needs a balance in power. If there is our
dimension then there must be another to balance the
equilibrium. So there might be more than 2 also, there might be
four or eight or a lot more. Well this just means we have to not
only look to space but also total realities. I know I’m taking my
theories too far lol. So i think i better stop now hahaha. So guys
that’s it for my supernatural post the next in line is “games
that need thinking”.

The Supernatural (Part 1)

The meaning of supernatural is a power that seems to defy
or go beyond thenatural forces as we know it. This topic has
captivated me for a long long time. I have to say i have
experienced super natural things, I can't explain these things.
Well if i have enough space in this entry i will share a some
of my experiences. Before I start, supernatural is not only
ghosts and demons and stuff. Here a list of things I think goes
under supernatural, things human science can't answer:

- God
- Life (Soul)
- Ghosts
- Angels / Demons
- Aliens
- Phycics and Predictions
- Dimensions

These are the things I can think of now, but I’m sure there are
more. May be all these things are linked together in a science
not yet known to man or just the science we have now is not
even right. This would explain why these things are not
considered natural.



First off, God. One of the most controversial topic in the
history of mankind. his topic is only controversial because
mankind added something called religion into it. Regardless
of which religion there is no doubt that there is a force which
we deem the creator. So, who is this god? Who is our creator?
It’s strange then I think about it, if we’re created by god, who
created god? Well I have a theory about this though. I think
god is no other then an energy source, god has no life(It’s
immortal/ Inexhaustible energy), has no thought but has a way
to balance out equilibrium of the universe. If something goes
to the extreme in one end of the universe, this energy source
will correct it by sending the same about of extreme force to
balance it. We’re all created in the image of the energy like
what the bible says because in every one of us there is an
inexhaustible power source, which is life/soul. Before you go
bashing in my ideas, I’m not asking you to believe what I say
or accept my theories. This is just my speculation.

So now the discussion leads us to Life/Soul. I think the soul
that is somehow transmitted to us when we’re new embryo’s,
a tiny little piece of energy from the creator force. This energy
might be from this world (Earth), or it may be from space, or
from previous souls that had to leave their body due to death.
For some reason we all feel there is more then just our body
in us, don’t we? It feels like you’re more than the physical
presence you have. If this is not true, why do we have burial
ceremonies for millennia’s? This thing we feel, I think is the
soul or our life force that will not extinguish at the end of our
physical presence. So what happens to us when we die, you
may ask. Well some of us may go back to rejoin the great force,
some of us may linger on to find another host, some of us may
still have unfinished business (ghosts) and some of us may be
enslaved by a bigger force of energy that does not allow us to
pass.

Now comes the topic of ghosts. Life as human is a competitive
one, so much so we all have to take care of ourselves, our family
and our loved ones. Some of us adopt great desires, may be an
ambition or great love towards another soul. These feelings make
our soul become unstable until we attain our goals. What happens
when we lose our host body due to death before we can attain our
goals? Our souls remain unstable and in an unstable condition we
are not able to move on. Most of the time the feeling we carry isn’t
enough to destabilize oursoul, but some people can really be
obsessive towards some things and their souls are left behind.
Some of you may say, this is all a big piece of bullshit, there is no
such things as ghosts. Well believe what you want to, I’ve had my
share of experiences to believe otherwise. People who know me
may have heard of my experiences, but I don't feeling like going
into details about them at the moment, There are also souls who
are trapped not because their unstable, but because a stronger force
is holding them back. These are the things I call demons, and the
next part i'll cover on this faul energies and their rivals, the angels.

This post kinda got out of hand and became way too lon for one
post. So, I guess i'll keep the rest for another installment of "The
Supernatural". I hope you had a nice read, not aksing you to belive
them, these are jsut my thoughts and theories.
Peace out till next time guys.

Information Technology

First off, I'm sorry it took such a long time to post this installment
of the blog. I was busy with other things but now i'm back ^^

Although i'm studying IT and seem so into these things, this was
not what i had planned for my life in the younger days. I wanted
to be an aeronautical engineer, but life had other plans for me :)
Aeronautical engineering fell off the pages because of circumstances.
May be i'll get into that part some other time, now I'll concentrate
on IT.

The fascination of computers started for me with computer games.
I used to be one of those young boys who'd exchange games CDs
with friends and go crazy on it. Go to school the next day and brag
about what we have accomplished.

In the early 1990s computers had a few problems but the one
that effected young gamers the most is the lack of hard disk space.
We can only play one game(good strategy game) at a time because
the computer would only have space for one installation at a time.
So, what happens when you want to play another game? We'll
have to uninstall the older game and install the new one. This
process screws with the windows and it causes a lot of problems.

Due to this I had to learn how to fix problems with the computers.
Mostly, what I'd do is format the computer and reinstall the windows.
Later we found out this was also not good for the hard disk, so we
found out other ways to fix these computers. As time passed, we
were pretty decent with troubleshooting computer problems.

So, when my aeronautical engineering plans failed, I picked to do
something I was familiar with, which I thought was the safest path
to take. What I didn't know was, IT isn't repairing computers >.<
The cause I took was more about creating the software in the pc
rather then learning how a computer works physically.

Nevertheless, this proposition still attracted me. When i went to
my first programming class, it was so alien to me. As the course
went by, I loved programming. It's not something easy to do,
especially the more advance parts. Let me put into perspective
how hard it is to do programming, for some of you this may not
be hard at all. Lets say someone gives you a law book and asks
you to know every angle of the law book. Then lets say every
one of the law in there has a unique shape and limitations. Now,
using all the resources there, they ask you to build a building
for a specific reason using the least amount of resources. That's
the only comparison i can think of right now, i hope you guys
understand that, lol.

IT tho is not all about programming, there is database,
networking, data mining, security, games creation and quite a
few more. It's not something easy to do but i hope i'd be able
to sustain my interest in this field and make a career out of it.

Thanks for reading guys :) till next time peace out

Unconditional Love

Love....such an illusive word. What is love? Is it just
a creation of man or is it the way we're meant to be?
I don't know what love is, but seeing many people's life
and how they have gone about it, I think I have a general
idea on how to be happy in my love life. There is no such
thing as constant happiness, there is no smooth sailing
forever, there is pain and there is gain.

In my case I had a bad first experience with love, things
didn't turnout perfect no manner how much I wanted it to.
This was because me and my ex were not in the same wavelength,
for you to be with someone in a long term relationship,
you must know what they want and they must know what you
want and both must be willing or able to give them the
things they desire. Love is just happiness you get from
mutual convenience at the beginning, without this feeling
there is no attraction and there is no infatuation.

Some people find having someone pretty is convenient for
them because they like to think they are able to get someone
like that, for others they one someone who can help them
with their deepest problems, some want someone their family
see fit and so many more. There is only one thing in common
to all of these, magnitude of the benefit you get out of
the other person, different people place more importance
in different things.

Now, how does infatuation/attraction turn into true love?
True love is basically you love the person so much, you
appreciate all the thing they have done for you and you
want to reciprocate by doing the best things for them. I
actually never believed anyone can be so appreciative of
a person till I met my gf. Although she might not realize
it, she changed the tide of my life, she made be lose my
worst habits and give me some good habits to follow. You
may say anyone could have done this, well not for me. I
am stubborn, i want to do what i want to do, I want to
have fun without worrying what people think of me.

My gf made me realize how self destructive that is. She
was the only one able to put some sense into my head. I
honestly have to say, at first what I saw in her was how
pretty she was and how nice it was to talk to her. The
rest only came later, i wanted to make her very happy for
being with me as I thought she deserves someone with
better looks then me. I told myself I have to make myself
worth her time. Later I realized everyone has their bad
sides and they can really get to you, but by this time I
willing to do anything for her for what she has done for
me.

I think this is what they call unconditional love, just
like the love I have for my mom. She made me who I am and
without her and my dad I won't be here. So, logically as
long as I want to live they have my love, actually even
if I hated my life now, I'd still love them because mom
especially gave everything she had for me. There is no
one who can tell me, it's not worth for my to help my mom
when she's in trouble or when she's in difficulties. No
matter what she does, the love for her will be there.

It's the same love I have for my gf, as what I am now is
what I am after I met her and I’m so happy i chose this
path. So, no matter what my gf does I'll love her, even
if this leads to her leaving me. I won't know what to do
if I had to pick sides between my mom and my gf. There is
also another similarity i see with the two of them, both
of them have no way of replacing me. I am just as important
to them as they are important to me, and that makes me
happy. There are 3 people who i deem fit for my love, my
mom, my gf and myself. These are the three unconditional
loves in my life.

I'd do anything for any of my unconditional loves except
for stop loving them or killing myself. Well that's it for
this time, just have a few final words.

I love you MOM! thank you for everything you've done for me

I love you Kanami, my honey ^_^. For being there for me
despite all my faults.

Alright, see ya'll till next time, peace out ^_^

Football in My Life

Football, the game of the planet no sport has been played more
widely and more frequently then this game on earth. It's also
the one game I'd live and die for if i was given a chance, just
too bad I wasn't born to Ian Rush or Jurgen Klinsmann. It all
started with my dad buying me a ball, there was an open field
right opposite my house where all the kids used to come and play
at 5:30 in the evening and I'll be usually there by 5 with my
ball kicking around waiting for friends.

If one of them see me on the field, they will go round up like
4 or 5 kids from around the area and come join me on the field.
When the 6 of us play more kids will see us and join us, there
were about a total of 10-14 kids in my area who'd be waiting
for the 5:30 kick-off and would be cursing the rain if it showed
it's face. They they hated having to go tuition during that
time on some days. This is where my passion for football bloom,
even my dad, back then about 45yo you'd join us and play.

He'd usually be the goal keeper, but never misses the chance
to take free kicks and penalties. If he was taking it, no kid
would dare be the goal keeper LOL. His kick was like a missle
launcher, seeing my dad play soon older kids started joining
us. Wow it was such a challenge playing with them, but I loved
it, I learned so much from them. As for being a fan of club
sides, it was the golden age of the malaysian league, unlike
the mess they call a league now. I was a supporter of the red
giants, Selangor F.C and I always love to watch Selangor play
Singapore. Yes singapore back then was int he malaysian league.

Players like K.Senbagamaran and Azman Adnan were real idols to
me. As time passed, Singapore left the Malaysian league to set
up their own league, which is a lot better then the malaysian
league now. The interest I had in the Malaysian league slowly
dwindled. Then I moved my attention to the world cup and Euro.
in Euro 1990, I was a big fan of West Germany, with my fav
player of all time so far(Gerrard and Torres will over throw
him soon) leading the German attack, Jurgen Klinsman. Rightly
so, West Germany won the world cup that year beating Argentina
in the final.

This world cup though open my eyes to sooo many talented players
with the likes of Diego Maradona, Roberto Baggio, Paulo Maldini,
Davor Suker, Paul Gascoigne and Marco Van Basten. I watch them
play every single game and tried to copy their moves on my front
yard. Guess what, it really helped ever since then I just kept
getting better and better in football and before I knew it, I
made the school team. The teacher(coach) told me I'm skinny and
I need to put on some weight, I still got a few game experience
under my belt though.

Between that time and the next world cup, I had already become
an important player in my school team and had played football
every evening in the field if it wans't raining. The 1994 world
cup was also an amazing experience and I was still supporting
Germany since Klinsman was still there. I've not seen another
player in the world cup who scores as many goals as him. He
scored in nearly every game germany played, such and awesome
player. By this time though, I was already a Liverpool fan and
I was pretty sad that England did not qualify, I really wanted
to see Robbie Fowler and Steve McManaman playing for England
in the world cup.

This world cup was a lot more of a leanring experience then the
last one because now I knew a lot more things about football
and had a betetr control of the ball then before. This is when
I started perfecting my dribbling skills, I could take on 3 to
4 players at a time when I was playing for my school then. I was
not the hero of the school team, although I provided a lot to
the school main strikers who were twins. They were awesome too,
I had so much confidence in they goal poaching ability that I
wouldn't shoot if I had the chance to pass to them even if I
had a clear shot. I was afraid i'd miss and I was sure they'd
never miss.

I still kept on playing every evening and become better and
better but second year in secondary school I decided to stop
playing for school because I didn't like the coach who kept
complaining that I was too thin although by then I was already
a good player. I was probably the 4/5th best player in my year
in school in the attacking/midfield position. Since then I only
played in inter class tournerments and school sports day. I
had also become a hardcore Liverpool fan and started practicing
complicated skills at home in the evenings.

When I got to university, football was also something I did every
evening. I had a football star status in Uni, it was the peak
of my form, till I injured my ligerment and never fully recovered
back to the same form again. Still not too bad though, before
I could aim a cone on the goal post from the middle of the field
without missing it, that accuracy wasn't there anymore. I still
played for my uni and a club called Bear Hill United in the MMU
league. Those were fun times, now days I'm more into indoor
football(futsal). I am the lynchpin of my futsal team, the mvp.
haha I wish I was born to Jurgen Klinsmann, with the passion I
had and his training, I would have be playing by the side of
Torres and Gerrard hunting for the Champions League and Premier
League titles.

Liverpool is at the a point where it's argueably in the best
form of any team in the world. Trashing the two biggest clubs
in the world Real Madrid and Manchester United. Now, they have
been drawn against Chealsea in the champions league, how I wish
i could terrorize them with torres and gerrard. I don't have the
skill I need for that, so I'm giving all my heart to you guys
to bring back the European champions league to Anfield for the
6th time!!

That's if for this entry, c ya'll. Peace out ^_^